[ Emerald doesn't really like any of this. What happens if they get crystalized anyway? Maybe they can be brought back from that. She doesn't know. She can wait. It'll be like princes charming.
But if they get gravely hurt that's another matter. She would rather die than betray either of them--she thinks she's made that clear, considering it's a very real possibility. But she would put her neck out for Mercury too, and she wouldn't want either of them to die because she wasn't there. ]
You were pissed when you saw a memory of Mercury and I dancing for a mission. Which was weirdly romantic, don't get me wrong, but do you really expect me to believe that you would be okay with me moonlacing with him just because I couldn't get to you?
[ She's laying it on that situation right now, because bringing up the jealousy level she experiences with Miu that Mayuzumi knows about wouldn't result in productive conversation. Whatever.. she's feeling she can press it down if that's what the two of them want, but she's not going to do that without an argument first. ]
Yeah. What if it was me helping someone else out instead? I get along alright with Kise, for example. Would you get upset if I kissed him or did even more than that?
[ An example he feels he has to bring up; after all, it feels like both he and Emerald have had to grapple with jealous feelings over Miu, and he knows Akashi's gotten worked up about Mercury. But has the guy really considered that he might have competition for Mayuzumi's physical attention too in a scenario where they decide something like this is allowed?
He crosses his arms, the book set aside for now. ]
I'm pretty sure there isn't anyone in this room who isn't the jealous type to some extent, you know. You realize that what you're suggesting here is that you're thinking of maybe opening our relationship up to allow for other people.
[ Maybe not all the way in terms of romantic feelings, he hopes, but that's what it would effectively mean if they boil it all down. Getting physical with other people outside the three of them.
He isn't sure how he feels about doing that, frankly; aside from the times when pheromones were messing with his brain, he hasn't actually considered doing anything with anyone else besides Akashi or Emerald. Any of his stray impure impulses get channeled safely into the 2D fantasy realm rather than becoming something he'd ever act upon without their permission. Getting romantically involved with anyone else is definitely an absolute non-starter as long as he's together with the two of them, and he was under the impression they both felt the same way.
Especially Mister Let's-Bind-Our-Souls-Together-After-Dating-For-A-Few-Weeks!
...Although, it's also true that Mayuzumi's enough of a grounded and practical person to acknowledge Akashi has kind of a point with this line of thought. He does think it'd be preferable for Akashi and Emerald to do what they absolutely had to for survival's sake if things got that dire, and he doesn't think he could just stand by and let that happen to someone else unless he absolutely despised them. He'd even put up with Murasakibara picking him up in Amegahara because the guy had already been sprouting crystals at the time...and yet, that was also because Murasakibara's important to Akashi rather than a kindness he extended to just any random stranger.
Indeed, Mayuzumi definitely has some hard limits to this idea of potential non-exclusivity already, and he's sure he isn't the only one among the three of them that does. ]
I'll say it right now. There's no way I'll accept you doing anything beyond a handshake or a hug with Hinasaki if she ever showed up, no matter what.
[ Talk about Mercury isn't something that Akashi welcomes. He shrinks in his seat when his name is mentioned. Now, he doesn't really feel angry towards the guy, but more annoyed that he has to accept that he's part of Emerald's life. If he wants to be with Emerald, then he has to... be with Mercury too, in a manner of speaking. What Akashi responds with may end up being surprising... ]
If there was no one else around. . . but I wouldn't want you to go all the way with him.
[ So he would set limits, if Emerald is even comfortable with the idea. He doesn't look all that happy though, and shifts to turn and face the other way so that no one can see his expression. ]
... Let's forget about this. I was foolish of me to bring it up. I was just curious.
[ He's not ignoring Mayuzumi either, but... being reminded of Mercury's existence, and realising that Mayuzumi probably has the hots for Kise, and Miu being brought up all at the same time is something he doesn't want to handle right now. He feels defeated with the first topic, he feels jealous with the second, and the third just makes him feel really guilty because he doesn't want either Mayuzumi or Emerald to be jealous of a person who's not even around anymore...
He still considers looking for somebody who can wipe his memories of Miu, even if Emerald said no. He's never brought it up to Mayuzumi yet, but it feels like he should at some point. ]
[ As soon as Mayuzumi brings up Hinasaki, laying the onus on himself instead of on Emerald even after their conversation in which she expressed that she would probably not be able to contain her own anger if Hinasaki came back, she can't help but give him a grateful look. She doesn't know if it's on purpose or not, but it's protecting her from a very uncomfortable conversation-- it's protecting her and Akashi both; she can't help how she feels, but she doesn't want AKashi to be afraid of her either.
Before she can say anything else, AKashi tries to backtrack though and Emerald almost reflexively blurts out her response, even if it's quiet and there's a vaguely tangible hint of fear in her voice when it does come out. ]
No.
[ Emerald tenses immensely once the word comes out of her mouth. She's still scared Akashi is going to leave her. It's a possibility now, even if she's forgiven him, she's aware that it's not something that she's promised. Which makes speaking up against him all the more terrifying, which is why it comes out quietly. Why her shoulders shrink a little even as she tries to. It's not Akashi's fault, but he'd done a good job in making her feel comfortable voicing her wants and opinions instead of just accepting his. It's Cinder's work that makes her feel uncomfortable the second that confidence that he wouldn't leave her was shaken. She pulls her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she takes a moment to try to figure out what it was she wanted to say. ]
You can't... bring something like that up, and then drop it when it makes you uncomfortable. You want to do things with other people.
[ It's a little accusatory, but Emerald.. isn't great at controlling her emotions, even if she's trying her best not to be reactive. Not to just get angry like she did with Mercury and cause more problems. She digs her fingers into the sides of her knees to try to give the emotions an outlet. ]
I wouldn't do anything sexual with Mercury. I know you don't believe me when I say that and that's fine, that's how you feel, but we are way too fucked up to deal with each other that way so even if somehow we both stopped thinking of each other like siblings, it's never going to happen. We can keep discussing this with that not being an option because I want to know why you've both brought up moonlacing with your blonde friend at this point. Who, by the way, is the only one of you three who has flat-out told me he didn't want to get between us.
Ah, it's just an example of someone we know. I mean...I just played basketball with the guy during Cordis a while back and he helped me make a little Chroma afterward in a friendly way because I got too worn out to move from my moonblessing, but that's all. I haven't done anything more than hold hands or give someone a hug except for you two.
[ He definitely isn't going to mention that time he fell on Weiss face-first into her chest, that was a complete and very awkward accident when he was weak from almost choking to death thanks to that malfunctioning lifesuit. That doesn't even count as anything other than a harmless embarrassing moment since it wasn't on purpose, surely!
He glances off to the side. ]
...Akashi, I try to get along with and help those guys out if they need it because they're your friends. Sure, that time Kise helped me, but I still wouldn't do anything with anybody that you two wouldn't be okay with.
I...don't want to hurt either of you. And I sure don't want to be together with anybody else, either.
[ He sighs. It's true, he was thinking of Emerald to some extent when he brought up Miu, even if it's also very much self-serving. It's better for him to broach the subject of her than Emerald when he knows just how strongly she feels about that woman.
And he'll back her up in not letting Akashi backpedal from discussing this topic now, too, especially when it's clear that standing her ground with Akashi isn't easy for her. It's obvious to him that they have to address this precisely because their feelings for each other are as strong as they are. ]
So I agree that we can't just drop talking about this now that you've brought it up. We'd never have to deal with something like this in Verens or back in Japan, but this place is different. I don't think it's wrong to figure out what our limits are when we've gotta worry about stuff like moonblessings messing with us or crystallizing.
I asked because I was curious, not because I want to moonlace with other people.
[ He was feeling bad, but now he's both surprised and frankly? A little offended that Emerald would accuse him of such. ]
Don't put words in my mouth.
[ And now he really doesn't want to talk anymore, but if the two of them are so insistent, then fine. He'll talk. ]
I don't want Emerald to moonlace with Mercury. I don't want Mayuzumi-san to moonlace with Kise. I don't want to moonlace with Hinasaki. [ Hinasaki now, not Miu. He's been calling her by her family name since she disappeared from Empatheias. ] I don't want to moonlace with Midorima. I don't want to moonlace with Kise or Murasakibara or Aomine or Himuro.
I don't intend for any of my friends to get in the way of our relationship. As should yours. [ A beat. ] This is the last romantic relationship I'll have because I intend to be with both of you until I die.
[ And he says this with full conviction. If he had it his way, he won't ever have any other relationship with anyone else. He's happy with Emerald. He's happy with Mayuzumi. It's not the most ideal of situations, nor is it a simple one to be in, but he loves them both and wants to spend his whole life with them. That's why he shifts in his seat to properly sit down on the couch, the imperious aura of his back and on display while he crosses his legs and rests his hands on his knees. ]
But if I see any of them are severely lacking in Chroma and are in the midst of crystallising, I think it would be wrong to ignore the situation and just walk away.
Edited (my first response didn't seem ic........) 2019-10-27 12:04 (UTC)
[ Emerald seems to calm down a little when he says that. She's not the most secure person about this, and her mind tends to leap straight to worst-case scenarios. For a brief moment, she considers maybe it's a good thing they didn't stay in Empatheias and moved here, because they'd be able to constantly tell how insecure she feels no matter how confident she acted. She doesn't want them to have to pay for that- it's not their fault, it's her life and experiences that make it hard to just accept that every move isn't just going to lead to her being alone again.
She swallows and nods. Akashi.. has a lot more friends than she does. He's not as cold-hearted as she is, and she needs to remember that. He can't just walk away from someone in pain or suffering, especially not someone he cares about. In her case, she doesn't even mind sitting with Mercury for hours just holding him until he feels better if that's what it takes instead of doing things with him. But she can't use anyone but Mercury as an excuse for herself, because everyone else she really cares about enough to do that with is here. ]
I don't.. have people I would do that for. But you two do. The only way that's going to work is if either you don't tell me what happens or if someone does something with someone, we all three have to.
[ ...She's also got kind of a black-and-white sort of view on that. But her logic right now is that if they all three do something to the same person, then no one can be jealous. She doesn't really want to, but she doesn't want to any of this and she knows she's going to be awful about it if something happens, especially if she finds out during Sanguis. ]
[ He doesn't know how to address Akashi saying something as over the top as being together until death, so he completely sidesteps that particular statement. ]
All three of us...
[ It's kind of funny. They've already had months of trying to navigate a relationship that isn't at all conventional, a love triangle that felt more true to a light novel plotline than the kind of thing that happens in real life...and it's only become less so since they ended up in Lunatia and he and Akashi grew closer. Yet the three of them have been able to make it work, and he thinks it's probably one of the main reasons they're able to discuss this topic without completely devolving into a meltdown of jealousy and hurt feelings over the very idea now.
Even if they're clearly all feeling kind of prickly over the subject. ]
Well. I'm not the most altruistic guy. If we can't all agree someone's okay then they should be completely off-limits for this kind of thing.
[ Yeah, it might be cold of him, but if it's someone who'd upset any of them then they can just hug whoever it is and get someone else to go further than that to actually save that person. ]
But if we agree they're okay, then yeah, I suppose we'd have to all be fine with sharing them. I don't think we'd all have to do things with them to make it even or anything like that if we really don't feel like it, but nobody else can be treated like they're special, if you know what I mean.
[ Even if he'd rather it be optional, he's agreeing with Emerald's viewpoint here. Anyone that gets approved can't be treated like they're exclusive to one of them, because it would definitely end up stirring up jealousy and complicating the feelings between the three of them. If someone isn't acceptable to all of them enough that they'd feel willing to help them either out of their own friendship or for the sake of each other, then they're not acceptable at all.
He does also have another thought about how to really handle this kind of incident occurring so it wouldn't end up causing trouble between them... ]
No matter what though, if something like that happens I'd want to know, because I'll want to do the same thing with both of you.
[ His gaze focuses back on the two of them. ]
Getting touched by anybody else would always have to be overwritten, wouldn't it?
[ He listens to them both. He has some objections with what Emerald's said, because Akashi doesn't want to hide anything from Emerald. At the same time, he knows it would hurt her if she found out. It could hurt someone else too, were she under the effects of Sanguis... then maybe no helping anybody during Sanguis. He doesn't know. This is something they all have to work out together. ]
I agree with Mayuzumi-san. If we can't all can't agree that someone is acceptable, [ Akashi goes for this word rather than "okay". ] then we aren't allowed to moonlace with them.
[ No Mercury allowed. He'll figure out how to voice this concern of his eventually... ]
I think we should create a list of our friends and acquaintances, compare, and receive approval or rejection.
[ A pause, then, another concern: ]
I also don't want to keep anything from either of you. As far as I'm aware, most days during the Sanguis, Cordis, Iris, and Triple Moon cycles are relatively safe. No attacks, no sudden monsters, and definitely no invasions. That seems to have been the pattern so far. Should we moonlace with others, I find that it should only acceptable after the Triple Moons cycle and before the next Sanguis cycle begins.
[ She likes Mayuzumi's idea a little better. It's not like she actually wants to moonlace with someone because one of them did, but it's a way to neutralize it in her head. But so is "overwriting" it. She can get down with that. She can also agree to banning certain people from being moonlaced with. In fact ]
No Hinasaki ever. And I've heard about people from books and movies existing in some worlds, so no favorite characters from light novels.
[ She can handle Mayuzumi's 2-D love affairs as long as they're not real. ] And that's.. fine. Or at least if something does happen while Sanguis moon is out, don't tell me until after. I'm fine with overwriting the rest of the time, but I don't want to hurt anyone when I can't control it, Sanguis makes me all.. [ She makes a gesture for crazy, then a stabbing gesture. Then sticks her tongue out and tilts her head to the side and sighs, like she's imitating expiring. There's a reason she doesn't really go out during Sanguis unless she can't help it, okay??Â
She stays quiet for a second, thinking before straightening up and adding- ]Â
I don't know how much of this you two have to worry about, but I also won't be giving my last "first" to anyone other than you two. So we're clear.
[ She's still not even sure if anal would feel good for her, but some girls like it?? But she just wants them to know that that's theirs if they ever want it. ]
And no marking anyone else or letting anyone else mark you.
I'll second Hinasaki, and I'm not gonna argue if that's what you want. 2D and 3D are different, and all that.
[ Sure he might have certain thoughts about certain characters, but that's in the mindset that they don't actually exist; meeting a character that he thought was imaginary would be kind of brain-breaking and awkward, especially if it's a character he had dirty thoughts about. And there's other implications to the possibility Emerald brings up that he's pretty sure might trigger an existential crisis if he thinks too hard about them, so he's definitely fine with just going along with her stipulation and moving on.
He nods when she talks about firsts; he definitely would prefer him or Akashi to be the first to do that with her over anyone else. ]
I guess if it comes to firsts it's not that different for me either.
[ He realizes that he and Akashi didn't really talk about this that directly, but he should probably bring it up now. ]
I mean, I'm fine with switching things around, so...I won't do that with anyone else for the first time. And fine, no marking.
[ He's not mad or anything, but it's... more of a request. He doesn't really know why they're both so hung up on Hinasaki when he's already moved on. In fact, he frowns and folds his arms. He feels bad whenever they mention her, when they bring up the past. Akashi may dwell on his past mistakes a little too much most of the time, but whenever they bring her up, it makes him feel so guilty. So guilty that he thinks about forgetting Hinasaki already. Literally. ]
Even if neither of you would mention it, if Hinasaki arrives, I wouldn't do anything with her. Please trust me.
[ This is why he didn't want to talk about this anymore... but no, they pushed, so now he's upset again.
He doesn't even address their other points anymore. He remains silent so he can try and go back to being calm about, well, everything. ]
[ Akashi not continuing in the conversation of rules makes Emerald zero in on his focus instead of making any comments about not getting jealous of 2D love affairs. She deflates a little, hey voice softening. ]
It's not that I don't trust you, Sei. I do. I'm just.. aware of who I am. I didn't even want Mercury coming between me and Cinder when we first met, I had to be.. reminded that my wants don't matter. Didn't matter. I killed a lot of people just because I wanted her to be happy, and I don't like sharing at all. I have a lot of issues, its not you I don't trust, especially when Sanguis rolls up.
[ It's why they may notice that she doesn't really come out during Sanguis. And why later on, someone's going to talk get into buying sedatives for Sanguis moon. ]
Yeah. I wouldn't be with either of you to begin with if I didn't trust you. Being able to talk about this at all's a pretty big leap of faith, you know.
[ It's because Mayuzumi trusts them as much as he does that he's able to even stand making concessions for the sake of practicality at all. Would there even be a point to making any kind of rules if he didn't have faith that they'd both follow them? ]
I'm not exactly a big fan of sharing either, but this place is kind of forcing our hand here. There's no way this will work if there aren't rules that we all agree to, so if we have hangups about certain people then it can't be helped and we have to talk about it.
[ He might not be possessive to the point of lethal violence, but he's certainly still pretty damned possessive. It's because his bond with Akashi is as deep as it is that the two of them were able to handle sharing Emerald, and that he ultimately loves the both of them makes the situation between the three of them just that much more exceptional.
Maybe he'll relax and be more permissive eventually due to the reality of the situation they're in, who knows. But he still needs there to be restrictions when it comes to everyone else, because he needs to feel there's still a space of intimacy between them that's special and wholly exclusive. ]
...Or hangups about certain things. I don't want to see either of you with marks left by anyone else, so that's one that's pretty easy for me to agree to.
[ Akashi looks away, looking a little annoyed. He feels a lot more guilty than mad. He just feels really bad right now the more they talk. He wants to explain though, that whenever they bring up Miu the way they do, it makes him feel awful. Like he's some kind of... awful person who did something so bad.
He'd beaten himself up over Miu already. He's gotten over it—over her. If he say something though, then they'd probably get annoyed with him and not want to do anything with him anymore. That's even worse.
His chest feels heavy just thinking about it. ]
Fine. What else?
[ May as well just continue the whole rules topic and move on. He won't bring it up now. He can't. ]
[ Emerald's.. definitely paying more attention to Akashi now. She knows when he's upset about something (from having been the cause of it many times) but he's not flat-out ignoring her now so instead she chooses to get up off the floor and move over to sit next to him. If he lets her, she's going to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with him and hold his hand.
She thinks about it for a moment. She knows there are more things that she'd get upset about, but she's trying not to just say all of them because she knows it's just going to be everything if she says all of them. So instead, she thinks about the things that would really truly hurt her more than what she's uncomfortable with. ]
No romance or dates, no staying overnight cuddling if you do something else and getting coffee for them in the morning. Unless physically impossible, you have to come home to one of us, and if it is physically impossible you have to contact one of us to tell us what's going on.
[ She doesn't care if it would be 'common courtesy' or whatever, if they have to be with someone, she doesn't want them being taken care of like they're special.
She realizes most of the rules so far are hers, so she straightens up a little and looks over at Mayuzumi while resting her head on Akashi's shoulder if he lets her. ]
You two add more rules so I'm not sounding like the crazy one here.
I don't see anything crazy about what you've said. If it comes down to having to help someone else out, of course the physical part's where it's going to start and end. Friends stay just friends.
[ In truth Mayuzumi doesn't have any particularly stringent demands on either of them that differ from what Emerald's already stated. Doing anything that could be considered romantic with anyone outside of their relationship's definitely off-limits, which also means he doesn't like the idea of any of them sleeping beside anyone else.
He could probably think of something else to add, but right now it's become obvious to him something's really bugging Akashi, just as Emerald seems to have picked up on too. Even if the discussion they're having now is kind of important, it's not something he can just ignore. ]
...Let's set all this aside for a minute, though.
[ He isn't satisfied being across from the two of them, so he leaves his seat and joins them on the couch; he sits on the other side of Akashi but doesn't maintain any distance at all, instead leaning in comfortably close, his hand coming to rest on Akashi's head. ]
Because a certain guy here needs to tell us what's bugging him first.
[ He wrinkles his nose when he's sandwiched by both Emerald and Mayuzumi. He doesn't feel cornered—any other time, he would, but it's Emerald and Mayuzumi... he feels a little uncomfortable, and he shows it by sighing and playing with Emerald's fingers with his free hand. He spreads out her fingers and gives the tip a squeeze one after the other as he thinks of what it is he wants to say.
That is, how to properly say it.
Akashi doesn't look at either of them in the eye. ]
Why do the two of you always bring her up?
[ He doesn't say Miu's name this time. He knows they know what he means. That's it - he's not sure how to follow up with that, because he's not sure where he even wants to direct this conversation. This is why he didn't want to talk about it!! ]
[ Emerald watches his touching her hands, letting him play with her fingers. She's there to comfort, not to make uncomfortable. She hadn't intended on pushing him since she was afraid of him shutting down like he does when she's being a pest, but Mayuzumi manages it. He's always better at being the push when Emerald is the pull. At the question, she looks up at Mayuzumi for a brief moment as if making sure she can talk first, then does. ]
For me... I don't think I could ever stop loving you, and I don't think I could ever stop fighting to be with you as long as I felt that way, even if that means doing things that made you hate me. Just because I trust you not to go back to her doesn't mean I trust her not to try to win you back. I can't see how anyone could fall out of love with you and I can't see how you could fall in love with anyone who wouldn't dedicate themselves to you. So if we're talking about things that I can't accept, of course she's at the top of that list. It's impossible not to bring her up. Before that it was because I saw those memories of her in the GIGAs, and then before that it was when we were first getting together right after you dumped her, of course it would come up.
[ She didn't think it was always, but sometimes it's hard to avoid, you know... ]
[ Mayuzumi waits for Emerald to finish speaking before weighing in; between the two of them he knows Emerald feels a lot more strongly about Miu than he does, even if he has some jealous hangups about the subject too. If he ends up agreeing with Emerald, it isn't like he's trying to put Akashi on the spot or automatically taking Emerald's side with everything. In addition to being honest about his own feelings on the subject he's taken it upon himself to help bridge any gaps in understanding between the three of them when he feels like it might be needed. He sure doesn't want to see either of them ending up in tears again anytime soon...
He withdraws his hand to rub his neck but he still stays close, his shoulder brushing against Akashi's as a reminder that he's right here with the guy. ]
Yeah, it really can't be helped if Hinasaki comes up now considering what we're talking about. And she only came up before that time I stayed over because you and I were talking about doing it.
...I didn't expect I'd get worked up over her when I brought it up that time, though. But that was my bad and you didn't do anything wrong.
[ And Akashi really did a good job of smoothing things over that time anyway. ]
I suppose I just can't deny I feel the same as Em on this. I trust you but I don't trust Hinasaki. I mean, I'm not gonna raise a fuss if she comes back and you just want to be her friend, even if I'm not exactly interested in going out of my way to make nice with her. I know you don't like letting people go, so that much I can deal with.
But it'd be way too easy for her to get the wrong idea if you moonlaced with her because you were together before, wouldn't it? Even if you don't feel that way anymore it could end up being a big hassle for all of us, including her.
That's why I have to say I wouldn't accept her. I trust Midorima not to be a problem, because I know he's not the type that would cause problems for our relationship.
[ Even if the Midorima here isn't the same one who lived in the same house with him for months back in Verens, Mayuzumi's still sure Midorima's really a pretty good guy under that kind of weird and prickly exterior. ]
I'm pretty sure your other middle school pals are the same way and won't get any wrong ideas, so they're fine.
[ He glances off to the side, because the person he mentions next he still has some pretty complicated feelings about, even if he really can't find it in him to issue a veto. ]
[ That doesn't really answer the question. At least, they're not the answers Akashi's expecting to hear, and it puts him in an even more sour mood. He asked why they keep bringing her up—this wouldn't be the first time—not why they can't accept her.
The trust him, they don't trust Hinasaki— that's valid. Akashi's already told himself to speak with Kise after this to tell him to back off (in a nice way, of course!). Mercury... he doesn't know what to do with him anymore. He doesn't want to get close or talk to him, even if it's just a text conversation. He's too scared. ]
If you don't accept her, that's fine. I'm not asking you to, but it's a little tiring to hear her name so often now when I don't even want to have anything to do with her romantically anymore.
[ But he's also been bad at opening up about how he feels. At first, he thought he wasn't good enough and that's why Miu disappeared. Then he tried to move on and thought of her as someone who betrayed him. He wasn't angry, more bitter and decided that he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. Then he goes back to Japan and stays there for a year or so, developing more as a person before going back to Empatheias. By then, he'd forgotten about her - gotten over her and what happened and more than ready to move on.
He's never said anything about this to anybody. He couldn't.
When they talk about her now, when he's already over what happened, they bring him back to how he used to be. That's why it's annoying and he really doesn't like it. ]
Don't bring her up again.
[ There should be a please in there somewhere, but his mood is preventing him from saying it. He does let go of Emerald's hand though and shifts a little in his seat. He's not comfortable. ]
[ Emerald tenses a little at the response. It feels like they're in trouble for expressing their feelings here, and in this case.. well, she doesn't know what Mayuzumi's brought up exactly, but for herself.. she doesn't think the times she has has been invalid.
She also doesn't really like how he's basically telling them that they're not allowed to express concern over it. Things are uncomfortable, it happens. ]
I've brought her up after you broke up with her, when I had to see those memories of yours in the GIGA against my will, and now, when its actually relevant. It's not like it's a fun topic I'm happy to think about and that's rich coming from you, by the way. You're tired of hearing about jealousy for someone you don't have romantic feelings for? I wonder who could relate to that!
[ Emerald almost kicks the coffee table near them, but freezes mid-motion before she causes damage. It's probably good that Akashi let go of her, because she's digging her nails into the couch. She sets her foot down on the ground and stands up after she catches herself and goes to stand in the corner of the room instead. She's not leaving, she has no plans to run from this conversation, but she just- she needed to move for a second, get the agitation out. She folds her arms, rubbing one with her hand to try to calm herself down. No outbursts. ]
--Sorry. Just.. [ How does she explain how she's feeling without getting angry? Her tone gets a little softer and she looks down. ]
I'd accept dying in a ditch somewhere or watching everyone outside of this room and Mercury die over letting someone else touch me. This conversation is because you two want to moonlace with people for the sake of your friends. But I'm sorry if you're tired of us bringing up a reasonable topic of conversation, same as I asked Chihiro before if he had any exes. I'm tired of every single part of this conversation, but I'm putting up with it because I know your friends important to you, Seijuro.
[ She doesn't quite want to go back to where Akashi and Mayu are sitting now, but she also doesn't know what to do so she's just going to stay over here for a bit. ]
[ Mayuzumi clearly isn't particularly happy both Akashi and Emerald feel troubled by the situation; even if he should probably try to smooth things over more, he's frustrated with Akashi right now too.
He gets it's an awkward and uncomfortable subject for the guy, but he also can't get behind Akashi trying to unilaterally shut down talking about Miu when it's important to a discussion that Mayuzumi and Emerald didn't even initiate in the first place. ]
You're the guy who brought up the idea of doing this with other people to begin with here, remember? It's the pragmatic thing to do if it's an emergency, I know. But you can't complain if we have limits about what we'll go along with and say what they are.
[ He sighs. ]
I know it bugs you, but we aren't bringing her up just to make you feel bad, you know. If I had an ex I wouldn't blame you or Em for mentioning them when we're talking about something like this.
I'm pretty sure all three of us don't want to think about her more than we have to, but sometimes it just can't be helped.
[ And then there's Emerald bringing up Akashi being jealous of Mercury. He'd stopped talking about Mercury since the day they fought. He hasn't brought him up since. He's been controlling himself and just taking it all in so they don't have to fight again.
He'd thought they moved past that already, so Emerald bringing it up is a little annoying, even if it was mostly his fault that time.
If he addresses that though, then they're going to have another topic to argue about, so he doesn't. ]
You say you don't bring her up to make me feel bad, but I do. Every time you bring up the past, it makes me feel like I've done something so gravely wrong to you. I can't stand knowing that I've hurt you and I continue to hurt you because of a past relationship.
[ His voice cracks at the last sentence, because it makes him feel so guilty both with Miu being brought up constantly and the fact that he's actually admitting this. He's vulnerable right now, immensely so, and he's not exactly used to this kind of feeling. He hopes never do be this weak again. ]
That's why I'm asking for it to stop. [ But they're making it clear that they'll continue to talk about it, so he'll have to come up with a solution himself. When he speaks again, it's a lot softer, but not in a good way. It's like the words are stuck in his throat and he's forcing his body to continue talking when he feels so bad and is about to cry.
He gets up from the couch and looks around, remembering where he placed his satchel last. ]
I don't think I've done anything wrong. It's also a given that I wouldn't do anything romantic with anyone else. I assumed it didn't even need to be said, but it was my mistake to jump to conclusions.
I think I should go, though. [ And he walks over to the other seat to get his bag. ] And I'll ask around if there's anyone who can remove certain memories. That might help.
[ That's her whole point. Mercury came up in this conversation before and she didn't complain about it. She hasn't brought Miu up since the GIGA incident, and she didn't plan to until Akashi brought this up. But they needed to, because they're talking about something important. Something Akashi brought up, and now he's leaving. He's bailing because he's upset. Emerald can't help but feel angry about that. It's not his fault- it's years and years and years of having to deal with feeling like everything in the world is wrong and not having an escape. Him ignoring her or bailing or threatening to leave every time he's upset is starting to get under her skin.
Emerald stomps over to snatch Akashi's bag away from him before he can get to it and tosses it over to... no, throws it almost at Mayuzumi. Not on purpose. (She'll apologize later.) She's heading for the door as she keeps talking. She's too angry, she needs to leave before she makes this worse, not Akashi. Akashi is the one who wanted to have this conversation and Chihiro is the one who can handle talking to him about things like this. She steps ahead toward the door. She doesn't know where she's going, but she's too angry and that doesn't translate well too anything -not just words. She's not like them even if they treat her like she is. ]
Seijuro, you're the only one who feels like you've done something gravely wrong here! You had feelings for her, we get it, and that's why we brought it up. Chihiro and I love you and are trying to talk to you about this. I don't know how we're supposed to do that if you're getting defensive and trying to leave every time you feel uncomfortable or upset or exploding and deciding you need to get rid of your memories which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! You two stay, decide what you want to do since you're the ones who don't feel like homicide is an option when you get jealous and so feel it's important to prevent that. Just tell me what you decide! That's the only way everything works out here.
[ She opens the door and holds it, but pointedly looks at Seijuro. ]
The whole world isn't positive feelings, Seijuro, and people who think the positive the only ones that are important to experience are idiots.
[ She's going through and slamming the door right after that. But she needs to go. Because she's angry, and the last thing she wants is either of them to be scared of her because she breaks the table or does something instinctively. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Emerald doesn't really like any of this. What happens if they get crystalized anyway? Maybe they can be brought back from that. She doesn't know. She can wait. It'll be like princes charming.
But if they get gravely hurt that's another matter. She would rather die than betray either of them--she thinks she's made that clear, considering it's a very real possibility. But she would put her neck out for Mercury too, and she wouldn't want either of them to die because she wasn't there. ]
You were pissed when you saw a memory of Mercury and I dancing for a mission. Which was weirdly romantic, don't get me wrong, but do you really expect me to believe that you would be okay with me moonlacing with him just because I couldn't get to you?
[ She's laying it on that situation right now, because bringing up the jealousy level she experiences with Miu that Mayuzumi knows about wouldn't result in productive conversation. Whatever.. she's feeling she can press it down if that's what the two of them want, but she's not going to do that without an argument first. ]
no subject
[ An example he feels he has to bring up; after all, it feels like both he and Emerald have had to grapple with jealous feelings over Miu, and he knows Akashi's gotten worked up about Mercury. But has the guy really considered that he might have competition for Mayuzumi's physical attention too in a scenario where they decide something like this is allowed?
He crosses his arms, the book set aside for now. ]
I'm pretty sure there isn't anyone in this room who isn't the jealous type to some extent, you know. You realize that what you're suggesting here is that you're thinking of maybe opening our relationship up to allow for other people.
[ Maybe not all the way in terms of romantic feelings, he hopes, but that's what it would effectively mean if they boil it all down. Getting physical with other people outside the three of them.
He isn't sure how he feels about doing that, frankly; aside from the times when pheromones were messing with his brain, he hasn't actually considered doing anything with anyone else besides Akashi or Emerald. Any of his stray impure impulses get channeled safely into the 2D fantasy realm rather than becoming something he'd ever act upon without their permission. Getting romantically involved with anyone else is definitely an absolute non-starter as long as he's together with the two of them, and he was under the impression they both felt the same way.
Especially Mister Let's-Bind-Our-Souls-Together-After-Dating-For-A-Few-Weeks!
...Although, it's also true that Mayuzumi's enough of a grounded and practical person to acknowledge Akashi has kind of a point with this line of thought. He does think it'd be preferable for Akashi and Emerald to do what they absolutely had to for survival's sake if things got that dire, and he doesn't think he could just stand by and let that happen to someone else unless he absolutely despised them. He'd even put up with Murasakibara picking him up in Amegahara because the guy had already been sprouting crystals at the time...and yet, that was also because Murasakibara's important to Akashi rather than a kindness he extended to just any random stranger.
Indeed, Mayuzumi definitely has some hard limits to this idea of potential non-exclusivity already, and he's sure he isn't the only one among the three of them that does. ]
I'll say it right now. There's no way I'll accept you doing anything beyond a handshake or a hug with Hinasaki if she ever showed up, no matter what.
no subject
If there was no one else around. . . but I wouldn't want you to go all the way with him.
[ So he would set limits, if Emerald is even comfortable with the idea. He doesn't look all that happy though, and shifts to turn and face the other way so that no one can see his expression. ]
... Let's forget about this. I was foolish of me to bring it up. I was just curious.
[ He's not ignoring Mayuzumi either, but... being reminded of Mercury's existence, and realising that Mayuzumi probably has the hots for Kise, and Miu being brought up all at the same time is something he doesn't want to handle right now. He feels defeated with the first topic, he feels jealous with the second, and the third just makes him feel really guilty because he doesn't want either Mayuzumi or Emerald to be jealous of a person who's not even around anymore...
He still considers looking for somebody who can wipe his memories of Miu, even if Emerald said no. He's never brought it up to Mayuzumi yet, but it feels like he should at some point. ]
no subject
Before she can say anything else, AKashi tries to backtrack though and Emerald almost reflexively blurts out her response, even if it's quiet and there's a vaguely tangible hint of fear in her voice when it does come out. ]
No.
[ Emerald tenses immensely once the word comes out of her mouth. She's still scared Akashi is going to leave her. It's a possibility now, even if she's forgiven him, she's aware that it's not something that she's promised. Which makes speaking up against him all the more terrifying, which is why it comes out quietly. Why her shoulders shrink a little even as she tries to. It's not Akashi's fault, but he'd done a good job in making her feel comfortable voicing her wants and opinions instead of just accepting his. It's Cinder's work that makes her feel uncomfortable the second that confidence that he wouldn't leave her was shaken. She pulls her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she takes a moment to try to figure out what it was she wanted to say. ]
You can't... bring something like that up, and then drop it when it makes you uncomfortable. You want to do things with other people.
[ It's a little accusatory, but Emerald.. isn't great at controlling her emotions, even if she's trying her best not to be reactive. Not to just get angry like she did with Mercury and cause more problems. She digs her fingers into the sides of her knees to try to give the emotions an outlet. ]
I wouldn't do anything sexual with Mercury. I know you don't believe me when I say that and that's fine, that's how you feel, but we are way too fucked up to deal with each other that way so even if somehow we both stopped thinking of each other like siblings, it's never going to happen. We can keep discussing this with that not being an option because I want to know why you've both brought up moonlacing with your blonde friend at this point. Who, by the way, is the only one of you three who has flat-out told me he didn't want to get between us.
no subject
[ He definitely isn't going to mention that time he fell on Weiss face-first into her chest, that was a complete and very awkward accident when he was weak from almost choking to death thanks to that malfunctioning lifesuit. That doesn't even count as anything other than a harmless embarrassing moment since it wasn't on purpose, surely!
He glances off to the side. ]
...Akashi, I try to get along with and help those guys out if they need it because they're your friends. Sure, that time Kise helped me, but I still wouldn't do anything with anybody that you two wouldn't be okay with.
I...don't want to hurt either of you. And I sure don't want to be together with anybody else, either.
[ He sighs. It's true, he was thinking of Emerald to some extent when he brought up Miu, even if it's also very much self-serving. It's better for him to broach the subject of her than Emerald when he knows just how strongly she feels about that woman.
And he'll back her up in not letting Akashi backpedal from discussing this topic now, too, especially when it's clear that standing her ground with Akashi isn't easy for her. It's obvious to him that they have to address this precisely because their feelings for each other are as strong as they are. ]
So I agree that we can't just drop talking about this now that you've brought it up. We'd never have to deal with something like this in Verens or back in Japan, but this place is different. I don't think it's wrong to figure out what our limits are when we've gotta worry about stuff like moonblessings messing with us or crystallizing.
no subject
[ He was feeling bad, but now he's both surprised and frankly? A little offended that Emerald would accuse him of such. ]
Don't put words in my mouth.
[ And now he really doesn't want to talk anymore, but if the two of them are so insistent, then fine. He'll talk. ]
I don't want Emerald to moonlace with Mercury. I don't want Mayuzumi-san to moonlace with Kise. I don't want to moonlace with Hinasaki. [ Hinasaki now, not Miu. He's been calling her by her family name since she disappeared from Empatheias. ] I don't want to moonlace with Midorima. I don't want to moonlace with Kise or Murasakibara or Aomine or Himuro.
I don't intend for any of my friends to get in the way of our relationship. As should yours. [ A beat. ] This is the last romantic relationship I'll have because I intend to be with both of you until I die.
[ And he says this with full conviction. If he had it his way, he won't ever have any other relationship with anyone else. He's happy with Emerald. He's happy with Mayuzumi. It's not the most ideal of situations, nor is it a simple one to be in, but he loves them both and wants to spend his whole life with them. That's why he shifts in his seat to properly sit down on the couch, the imperious aura of his back and on display while he crosses his legs and rests his hands on his knees. ]
But if I see any of them are severely lacking in Chroma and are in the midst of crystallising, I think it would be wrong to ignore the situation and just walk away.
no subject
She swallows and nods. Akashi.. has a lot more friends than she does. He's not as cold-hearted as she is, and she needs to remember that. He can't just walk away from someone in pain or suffering, especially not someone he cares about. In her case, she doesn't even mind sitting with Mercury for hours just holding him until he feels better if that's what it takes instead of doing things with him. But she can't use anyone but Mercury as an excuse for herself, because everyone else she really cares about enough to do that with is here. ]
I don't.. have people I would do that for. But you two do. The only way that's going to work is if either you don't tell me what happens or if someone does something with someone, we all three have to.
[ ...She's also got kind of a black-and-white sort of view on that. But her logic right now is that if they all three do something to the same person, then no one can be jealous. She doesn't really want to, but she doesn't want to any of this and she knows she's going to be awful about it if something happens, especially if she finds out during Sanguis. ]
no subject
All three of us...
[ It's kind of funny. They've already had months of trying to navigate a relationship that isn't at all conventional, a love triangle that felt more true to a light novel plotline than the kind of thing that happens in real life...and it's only become less so since they ended up in Lunatia and he and Akashi grew closer. Yet the three of them have been able to make it work, and he thinks it's probably one of the main reasons they're able to discuss this topic without completely devolving into a meltdown of jealousy and hurt feelings over the very idea now.
Even if they're clearly all feeling kind of prickly over the subject. ]
Well. I'm not the most altruistic guy. If we can't all agree someone's okay then they should be completely off-limits for this kind of thing.
[ Yeah, it might be cold of him, but if it's someone who'd upset any of them then they can just hug whoever it is and get someone else to go further than that to actually save that person. ]
But if we agree they're okay, then yeah, I suppose we'd have to all be fine with sharing them. I don't think we'd all have to do things with them to make it even or anything like that if we really don't feel like it, but nobody else can be treated like they're special, if you know what I mean.
[ Even if he'd rather it be optional, he's agreeing with Emerald's viewpoint here. Anyone that gets approved can't be treated like they're exclusive to one of them, because it would definitely end up stirring up jealousy and complicating the feelings between the three of them. If someone isn't acceptable to all of them enough that they'd feel willing to help them either out of their own friendship or for the sake of each other, then they're not acceptable at all.
He does also have another thought about how to really handle this kind of incident occurring so it wouldn't end up causing trouble between them... ]
No matter what though, if something like that happens I'd want to know, because I'll want to do the same thing with both of you.
[ His gaze focuses back on the two of them. ]
Getting touched by anybody else would always have to be overwritten, wouldn't it?
no subject
I agree with Mayuzumi-san. If we can't all can't agree that someone is acceptable, [ Akashi goes for this word rather than "okay". ] then we aren't allowed to moonlace with them.
[ No Mercury allowed. He'll figure out how to voice this concern of his eventually... ]
I think we should create a list of our friends and acquaintances, compare, and receive approval or rejection.
[ A pause, then, another concern: ]
I also don't want to keep anything from either of you. As far as I'm aware, most days during the Sanguis, Cordis, Iris, and Triple Moon cycles are relatively safe. No attacks, no sudden monsters, and definitely no invasions. That seems to have been the pattern so far. Should we moonlace with others, I find that it should only acceptable after the Triple Moons cycle and before the next Sanguis cycle begins.
no subject
No Hinasaki ever. And I've heard about people from books and movies existing in some worlds, so no favorite characters from light novels.
[ She can handle Mayuzumi's 2-D love affairs as long as they're not real. ]
And that's.. fine. Or at least if something does happen while Sanguis moon is out, don't tell me until after. I'm fine with overwriting the rest of the time, but I don't want to hurt anyone when I can't control it, Sanguis makes me all.. [ She makes a gesture for crazy, then a stabbing gesture. Then sticks her tongue out and tilts her head to the side and sighs, like she's imitating expiring. There's a reason she doesn't really go out during Sanguis unless she can't help it, okay??Â
She stays quiet for a second, thinking before straightening up and adding- ]Â
I don't know how much of this you two have to worry about, but I also won't be giving my last "first" to anyone other than you two. So we're clear.
[ She's still not even sure if anal would feel good for her, but some girls like it?? But she just wants them to know that that's theirs if they ever want it. ]
And no marking anyone else or letting anyone else mark you.
no subject
[ Sure he might have certain thoughts about certain characters, but that's in the mindset that they don't actually exist; meeting a character that he thought was imaginary would be kind of brain-breaking and awkward, especially if it's a character he had dirty thoughts about. And there's other implications to the possibility Emerald brings up that he's pretty sure might trigger an existential crisis if he thinks too hard about them, so he's definitely fine with just going along with her stipulation and moving on.
He nods when she talks about firsts; he definitely would prefer him or Akashi to be the first to do that with her over anyone else. ]
I guess if it comes to firsts it's not that different for me either.
[ He realizes that he and Akashi didn't really talk about this that directly, but he should probably bring it up now. ]
I mean, I'm fine with switching things around, so...I won't do that with anyone else for the first time. And fine, no marking.
no subject
[ He's not mad or anything, but it's... more of a request. He doesn't really know why they're both so hung up on Hinasaki when he's already moved on. In fact, he frowns and folds his arms. He feels bad whenever they mention her, when they bring up the past. Akashi may dwell on his past mistakes a little too much most of the time, but whenever they bring her up, it makes him feel so guilty. So guilty that he thinks about forgetting Hinasaki already. Literally. ]
Even if neither of you would mention it, if Hinasaki arrives, I wouldn't do anything with her. Please trust me.
[ This is why he didn't want to talk about this anymore... but no, they pushed, so now he's upset again.
He doesn't even address their other points anymore. He remains silent so he can try and go back to being calm about, well, everything. ]
no subject
It's not that I don't trust you, Sei. I do. I'm just.. aware of who I am. I didn't even want Mercury coming between me and Cinder when we first met, I had to be.. reminded that my wants don't matter. Didn't matter. I killed a lot of people just because I wanted her to be happy, and I don't like sharing at all. I have a lot of issues, its not you I don't trust, especially when Sanguis rolls up.
[ It's why they may notice that she doesn't really come out during Sanguis. And why later on, someone's going to talk get into buying sedatives for Sanguis moon. ]
I trust you two completely.
no subject
[ It's because Mayuzumi trusts them as much as he does that he's able to even stand making concessions for the sake of practicality at all. Would there even be a point to making any kind of rules if he didn't have faith that they'd both follow them? ]
I'm not exactly a big fan of sharing either, but this place is kind of forcing our hand here. There's no way this will work if there aren't rules that we all agree to, so if we have hangups about certain people then it can't be helped and we have to talk about it.
[ He might not be possessive to the point of lethal violence, but he's certainly still pretty damned possessive. It's because his bond with Akashi is as deep as it is that the two of them were able to handle sharing Emerald, and that he ultimately loves the both of them makes the situation between the three of them just that much more exceptional.
Maybe he'll relax and be more permissive eventually due to the reality of the situation they're in, who knows. But he still needs there to be restrictions when it comes to everyone else, because he needs to feel there's still a space of intimacy between them that's special and wholly exclusive. ]
...Or hangups about certain things. I don't want to see either of you with marks left by anyone else, so that's one that's pretty easy for me to agree to.
no subject
He'd beaten himself up over Miu already. He's gotten over it—over her. If he say something though, then they'd probably get annoyed with him and not want to do anything with him anymore. That's even worse.
His chest feels heavy just thinking about it. ]
Fine. What else?
[ May as well just continue the whole rules topic and move on. He won't bring it up now. He can't. ]
no subject
She thinks about it for a moment. She knows there are more things that she'd get upset about, but she's trying not to just say all of them because she knows it's just going to be everything if she says all of them. So instead, she thinks about the things that would really truly hurt her more than what she's uncomfortable with. ]
No romance or dates, no staying overnight cuddling if you do something else and getting coffee for them in the morning. Unless physically impossible, you have to come home to one of us, and if it is physically impossible you have to contact one of us to tell us what's going on.
[ She doesn't care if it would be 'common courtesy' or whatever, if they have to be with someone, she doesn't want them being taken care of like they're special.
She realizes most of the rules so far are hers, so she straightens up a little and looks over at Mayuzumi while resting her head on Akashi's shoulder if he lets her. ]
You two add more rules so I'm not sounding like the crazy one here.
no subject
[ In truth Mayuzumi doesn't have any particularly stringent demands on either of them that differ from what Emerald's already stated. Doing anything that could be considered romantic with anyone outside of their relationship's definitely off-limits, which also means he doesn't like the idea of any of them sleeping beside anyone else.
He could probably think of something else to add, but right now it's become obvious to him something's really bugging Akashi, just as Emerald seems to have picked up on too. Even if the discussion they're having now is kind of important, it's not something he can just ignore. ]
...Let's set all this aside for a minute, though.
[ He isn't satisfied being across from the two of them, so he leaves his seat and joins them on the couch; he sits on the other side of Akashi but doesn't maintain any distance at all, instead leaning in comfortably close, his hand coming to rest on Akashi's head. ]
Because a certain guy here needs to tell us what's bugging him first.
no subject
That is, how to properly say it.
Akashi doesn't look at either of them in the eye. ]
Why do the two of you always bring her up?
[ He doesn't say Miu's name this time. He knows they know what he means. That's it - he's not sure how to follow up with that, because he's not sure where he even wants to direct this conversation. This is why he didn't want to talk about it!! ]
no subject
For me... I don't think I could ever stop loving you, and I don't think I could ever stop fighting to be with you as long as I felt that way, even if that means doing things that made you hate me. Just because I trust you not to go back to her doesn't mean I trust her not to try to win you back. I can't see how anyone could fall out of love with you and I can't see how you could fall in love with anyone who wouldn't dedicate themselves to you. So if we're talking about things that I can't accept, of course she's at the top of that list. It's impossible not to bring her up. Before that it was because I saw those memories of her in the GIGAs, and then before that it was when we were first getting together right after you dumped her, of course it would come up.
[ She didn't think it was always, but sometimes it's hard to avoid, you know... ]
no subject
He withdraws his hand to rub his neck but he still stays close, his shoulder brushing against Akashi's as a reminder that he's right here with the guy. ]
Yeah, it really can't be helped if Hinasaki comes up now considering what we're talking about. And she only came up before that time I stayed over because you and I were talking about doing it.
...I didn't expect I'd get worked up over her when I brought it up that time, though. But that was my bad and you didn't do anything wrong.
[ And Akashi really did a good job of smoothing things over that time anyway. ]
I suppose I just can't deny I feel the same as Em on this. I trust you but I don't trust Hinasaki. I mean, I'm not gonna raise a fuss if she comes back and you just want to be her friend, even if I'm not exactly interested in going out of my way to make nice with her. I know you don't like letting people go, so that much I can deal with.
But it'd be way too easy for her to get the wrong idea if you moonlaced with her because you were together before, wouldn't it? Even if you don't feel that way anymore it could end up being a big hassle for all of us, including her.
That's why I have to say I wouldn't accept her. I trust Midorima not to be a problem, because I know he's not the type that would cause problems for our relationship.
[ Even if the Midorima here isn't the same one who lived in the same house with him for months back in Verens, Mayuzumi's still sure Midorima's really a pretty good guy under that kind of weird and prickly exterior. ]
I'm pretty sure your other middle school pals are the same way and won't get any wrong ideas, so they're fine.
[ He glances off to the side, because the person he mentions next he still has some pretty complicated feelings about, even if he really can't find it in him to issue a veto. ]
...Kuroko would be okay too, if he was here.
Just not her.
no subject
The trust him, they don't trust Hinasaki— that's valid. Akashi's already told himself to speak with Kise after this to tell him to back off (in a nice way, of course!). Mercury... he doesn't know what to do with him anymore. He doesn't want to get close or talk to him, even if it's just a text conversation. He's too scared. ]
If you don't accept her, that's fine. I'm not asking you to, but it's a little tiring to hear her name so often now when I don't even want to have anything to do with her romantically anymore.
[ But he's also been bad at opening up about how he feels. At first, he thought he wasn't good enough and that's why Miu disappeared. Then he tried to move on and thought of her as someone who betrayed him. He wasn't angry, more bitter and decided that he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. Then he goes back to Japan and stays there for a year or so, developing more as a person before going back to Empatheias. By then, he'd forgotten about her - gotten over her and what happened and more than ready to move on.
He's never said anything about this to anybody. He couldn't.
When they talk about her now, when he's already over what happened, they bring him back to how he used to be. That's why it's annoying and he really doesn't like it. ]
Don't bring her up again.
[ There should be a please in there somewhere, but his mood is preventing him from saying it. He does let go of Emerald's hand though and shifts a little in his seat. He's not comfortable. ]
no subject
She also doesn't really like how he's basically telling them that they're not allowed to express concern over it. Things are uncomfortable, it happens. ]
I've brought her up after you broke up with her, when I had to see those memories of yours in the GIGA against my will, and now, when its actually relevant. It's not like it's a fun topic I'm happy to think about and that's rich coming from you, by the way. You're tired of hearing about jealousy for someone you don't have romantic feelings for? I wonder who could relate to that!
[ Emerald almost kicks the coffee table near them, but freezes mid-motion before she causes damage. It's probably good that Akashi let go of her, because she's digging her nails into the couch. She sets her foot down on the ground and stands up after she catches herself and goes to stand in the corner of the room instead. She's not leaving, she has no plans to run from this conversation, but she just- she needed to move for a second, get the agitation out. She folds her arms, rubbing one with her hand to try to calm herself down. No outbursts. ]
--Sorry. Just.. [ How does she explain how she's feeling without getting angry? Her tone gets a little softer and she looks down. ]
I'd accept dying in a ditch somewhere or watching everyone outside of this room and Mercury die over letting someone else touch me. This conversation is because you two want to moonlace with people for the sake of your friends. But I'm sorry if you're tired of us bringing up a reasonable topic of conversation, same as I asked Chihiro before if he had any exes. I'm tired of every single part of this conversation, but I'm putting up with it because I know your friends important to you, Seijuro.
[ She doesn't quite want to go back to where Akashi and Mayu are sitting now, but she also doesn't know what to do so she's just going to stay over here for a bit. ]
no subject
He gets it's an awkward and uncomfortable subject for the guy, but he also can't get behind Akashi trying to unilaterally shut down talking about Miu when it's important to a discussion that Mayuzumi and Emerald didn't even initiate in the first place. ]
You're the guy who brought up the idea of doing this with other people to begin with here, remember? It's the pragmatic thing to do if it's an emergency, I know. But you can't complain if we have limits about what we'll go along with and say what they are.
[ He sighs. ]
I know it bugs you, but we aren't bringing her up just to make you feel bad, you know. If I had an ex I wouldn't blame you or Em for mentioning them when we're talking about something like this.
I'm pretty sure all three of us don't want to think about her more than we have to, but sometimes it just can't be helped.
no subject
He'd thought they moved past that already, so Emerald bringing it up is a little annoying, even if it was mostly his fault that time.
If he addresses that though, then they're going to have another topic to argue about, so he doesn't. ]
You say you don't bring her up to make me feel bad, but I do. Every time you bring up the past, it makes me feel like I've done something so gravely wrong to you. I can't stand knowing that I've hurt you and I continue to hurt you because of a past relationship.
[ His voice cracks at the last sentence, because it makes him feel so guilty both with Miu being brought up constantly and the fact that he's actually admitting this. He's vulnerable right now, immensely so, and he's not exactly used to this kind of feeling. He hopes never do be this weak again. ]
That's why I'm asking for it to stop. [ But they're making it clear that they'll continue to talk about it, so he'll have to come up with a solution himself. When he speaks again, it's a lot softer, but not in a good way. It's like the words are stuck in his throat and he's forcing his body to continue talking when he feels so bad and is about to cry.
He gets up from the couch and looks around, remembering where he placed his satchel last. ]
I don't think I've done anything wrong. It's also a given that I wouldn't do anything romantic with anyone else. I assumed it didn't even need to be said, but it was my mistake to jump to conclusions.
I think I should go, though. [ And he walks over to the other seat to get his bag. ] And I'll ask around if there's anyone who can remove certain memories. That might help.
no subject
Emerald stomps over to snatch Akashi's bag away from him before he can get to it and tosses it over to... no, throws it almost at Mayuzumi. Not on purpose. (She'll apologize later.) She's heading for the door as she keeps talking. She's too angry, she needs to leave before she makes this worse, not Akashi. Akashi is the one who wanted to have this conversation and Chihiro is the one who can handle talking to him about things like this. She steps ahead toward the door. She doesn't know where she's going, but she's too angry and that doesn't translate well too anything -not just words. She's not like them even if they treat her like she is. ]
Seijuro, you're the only one who feels like you've done something gravely wrong here! You had feelings for her, we get it, and that's why we brought it up. Chihiro and I love you and are trying to talk to you about this. I don't know how we're supposed to do that if you're getting defensive and trying to leave every time you feel uncomfortable or upset or exploding and deciding you need to get rid of your memories which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! You two stay, decide what you want to do since you're the ones who don't feel like homicide is an option when you get jealous and so feel it's important to prevent that. Just tell me what you decide! That's the only way everything works out here.
[ She opens the door and holds it, but pointedly looks at Seijuro. ]
The whole world isn't positive feelings, Seijuro, and people who think the positive the only ones that are important to experience are idiots.
[ She's going through and slamming the door right after that. But she needs to go. Because she's angry, and the last thing she wants is either of them to be scared of her because she breaks the table or does something instinctively. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)