[ He's on his feet when Akashi moves to leave, but it's Emerald who acts quicker. ]
Hey, hold on a—
[ Yet the situation devolves pretty quickly and at the end of Emerald's outburst she's out the door and Mayuzumi's left holding the (tossed) bag.
He lets out an audible exhale. Damn it, these two can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. Not that he entirely blames Emerald for getting angry and having to leave to cool off when Akashi's overreacted and tried to shut down their discussion, but this problem's also just ended up dumped entirely in Mayuzumi's lap to deal with on his own.
Which means even if it's a major hassle and he's half-tempted to boot the guy out for being difficult, he doesn't have much choice other than to swallow his own frustration down some and step up to deal with the situation. He also doesn't want to let Akashi be alone when the guy's in this kind of fragile frame of mind anyway, and so he moves to take Akashi's hand. ]
Don't think I'm gonna just let you run off by yourself too when you're upset and saying stuff like that.
[ His voice softens. ]
...I told you I'd never leave you, didn't I? That means there's no way I'm letting you go now.
[ Akashi looks at their hands before he pulls his own away. He does it gently and slowly, and if Mayuzumi holds onto Akashi's hand tighter, then he won't fight it. He just doesn't feel good right now. He feels alone more than ever. ]
I was honest. I said how I felt. I didn't do anything wrong.
[ He already feels bad, and Emerald walking out on him because he said what was bothering him makes him feel even worse. What's happening isn't really boosting his confidence here...
This time, he doesn't even ask Mayuzumi for advice on what to do. He's ready to leave. All he has to do is get his bag. But he waits, in case Mayuzumi has something to say.
As for Emerald, the two of them can talk about what happened later. Akashi legitimately doesn't think he's done or said anything wrong, so he'll wait some time until he thinks Emerald has cooled off before he talks to her again. He'd apologise either way, because he doesn't want her getting mad at him. That just opens up the prospect of her leaving. ]
Yeah, you were honest. Nobody's unhappy about that.
[ Akashi's stubborn, but so is Mayuzumi. If holding hands isn't enough to keep the guy from leaving, then he'll wrap his arms around Akashi's shoulders from behind and hug him. ]
But shutting us out and running away whenever things get rough doesn't fix anything. That's what we're really upset about, not your past. Sometimes you have to put up with feeling uncomfortable for a little while to work things out.
[ He gives a gentle squeeze, burying his face against Akashi's shoulder. ]
What the hell kind of ridiculous idea is erasing memories, anyway? Why do you always want to overdo everything?
I only want to do what is necessary, it's so the two of you don't have to be upset anymore.
[ Mayuzumi, this is the kid who said he'd gouge his eyes out if his team lost. He also said he'd kill his parents if they got in the way of his victory. He's also the same person who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders with hardly any time for a break. He may have changed, he may have found himself, but in many other ways, he's still broken. This is the only way he knows how to deal with hardships that come his way. ]
It may sound ridiculous and it may sound idiotic, but if it's for everyone's peace of mind, then it's worth considering.
[ Akashi's posture is stiff, and his shaky voice is betraying his words. It's not like he wants to do this, but it would probably be better than having to be reminded of his past and how the people he cares about most aren't a fan of it. ]
How's it necessary? Nobody's even asking you to do anything like that!
[ Mayuzumi's voice grows sharper, even though he's still holding on tight. What Akashi's really doing right now just isn't acceptable at all, and a throwback to the guy's behavior back before Mayuzumi graduated.
He sure as hell hasn't forgotten incidents like that eye gouging threat; sure it worked to get the Uncrowned Kings in line that time enough to win that game, but it was still a messed up thing to do then, and Akashi pulling anything remotely like that with his boyfriend and girlfriend isn't something Mayuzumi can just let slide. ]
...You know, I really thought you'd gotten over doing this kind of thing. Waving threats to hurt yourself over people's heads to get them to knuckle under.
[ Because that's exactly what Akashi messing with his own brain would be! How can the guy think doing something like that would make Mayuzumi or Emerald feel any better? ]
You got away with it at Rakuzan, but don't think you can twist my arm with this kind of stunt now.
[ His heartbeat's gone quicker, a little difficult to control, and even moreso when he knows he has to face this issue head on. Mayuzumi's not exactly offering any means of escape here, literally and metaphorically. ]
I would do it if you asked me to. If Emerald asked me to. It's not a means of gaining control.
We had an argument because I saw memories of her dancing with Mercury once. She also happened to see a memory of mine - when I had been bitten by a vampire in Empatheias and I went to Hinasaki's to make sure she was safe. We both got jealous, and I said that I would forget about Hinasaki if it would make her happy.
Emerald said she didn't want to lose a part of me, but she doesn't like that part of me. You don't like it either. How can I make you both happy knowing this? I was merely asking to not talk about it anymore, because it doesn't need to be said. Because it's a part of me that I've moved on from, and I have no intention of going back to it. So please...
[ Then, he pauses, because the hard part is... bargaining. He'd been making demands this whole time, his requests sounding as bossy as he normally is. He's at his wit's end now, though. He's not really sure what to do, but he's... trying, in his own way. ]
I'm only asking to not talk about her anymore. I only ask that you don't think about her anymore, because there is nothing to worry about in the first place. I only ask that you respect my requests.
And... I will forget about her, if that's what you want.
...All right. So that isn't what you meant, fine. And I get that you don't want to talk about it. I know it's tough for you, and I really wouldn't talk about her anymore if you hadn't brought the subject of moonlacing with other people up.
But whatever, we all got the idea about that by now.
[ And he feels like they're talking in circles about it. He would've dropped the subject by now if Akashi hadn't seemed bothered before; he couldn't just let the guy be upset without trying to find out what the problem was. ]
What you really need to understand is that I don't want you to forget and neither does Em. How many times are we gonna have to say it?
[ He tries to figure out how to say it in a way that Akashi will understand. ]
Look...things are still kind of complicated between you and me. You can really get on my nerves sometimes, and some of our memories together aren't the best, either.
But even with all of that, I still fell for the person you are. You wouldn't be the same person without those memories.
I'll always find reasons to get jealous sometimes, because I want to keep you all to myself. But it's not something you can just fix by cutting away parts of yourself. Sometimes it really is all on me and I need to just get over it on my own, but sometimes we gotta talk to work things out, even if it's not a fun conversation.
...The only one who thinks you need to be perfect all the time is you.
[ They are talking in circles, and Akashi's going to keep making sure they do until he feels like he's being supported, too.
He places his hands over Mayuzumi's. They stay there for a few seconds before he gives up and puts his hands back down. ]
I get it now. You can let go, Mayuzumi-san.
[ Now it's his turn to sigh. He's tired, but it's his own doing. He's a little too stressed out to want to do anything else now. Whether or not Mayuzumi lets go of him though, he turns around to look at the older boy.
There's hint of remorse in his eyes, but it's mostly loneliness that shows in his gaze. ]
You have to promise that—that even if I'm all the things you said and that I make mistakes—that you won't leave. You'll still love me despite it all.
[ He looks away after saying that. It's said so innocently, because all he really wants is to be accepted. Akashi needs a lot of practice in being okay with being imperfect, and he'll never be okay with it unless he gets that constant reassurance that everything will still work out. It may have been months since he last saw his father, but it doesn't mean his words don't sting even up to now. ]
You have to promise. Because I don't know what I would do if you or Emerald left.
[ Mayuzumi does loosen his grip when prompted, his hands coming to rest on Akashi's shoulders when the guy turns to face him.
The look Akashi gives him makes pulling away the last thing he wants to do, and it's even more unthinkable after what Akashi asks of him. The guy can be a real handful to deal with sometimes, but Mayuzumi really does still love him regardless. ]
Yeah, I promise. I'll say it however many times as you need to hear it.
[ He takes a step closer, one of his hands cupping Akashi's cheek. ]
[ Akashi closes his eyes as he leans into the touch. He... should probably go, or sit down. He doesn't know. He feels warm somehow. Mayuzumi talking to him like this is helping. ]
Mayuzumi-san, I won't go now, but I'd like to rest.
[ Lay down, he means. He'll wait for Emerald to come back. Though he's not really sure what he would say once she's back... He'll need some quiet time for that. ]
[ Even just the brush of Mayuzumi's fingertips against Akashi's face is enough to generate a cozy, comforting kind of feeling between them. Maybe it's more work on Mayuzumi's part to have to support and reassure Akashi when the guy's having a fragile moment, but it's also gratifying to be relied upon.
He might push back with Akashi when it really counts, but he's also pretty weak to the guy, too. How else could Akashi even get Mayuzumi (and Emerald, too) to consider this moonlacing with other people idea as something remotely acceptable to go along with?
He isn't exactly going to be rushing out to do anything with anyone else, but he's accepted the practicality of what Akashi's proposing. Definitely if it ever actually happens he's going to be very keen on making sure that it's overwritten by one or both of them.
But right now he's done arguing... ]
All right.
[ He lets go, but stays close. ]
Go ahead and rest. We can smooth things over with Em when she gets back.
[ The look Akashi gives Mayuzumi still has traces of guilt, and in fact, he lowers his head and bows to show his gratitude and how sorry he is. ]
Thank you. I just—
[ He wants to be by himself for a moment. He wants to think, to mull over what happened, and brood over how he's always arguing with both of them and how they'll probably grow tired of him eventually. Mayuzumi said he'd never leave... but Akashi also needs to do better to make sure they never entertain the idea of it. ]
Nevermind.
[ He'll rest in Mayuzumi and Emerald's room, taking Mayuzumi's side so he can lay down and stare at the ceiling. Though he'll unintentionally fall asleep if he's left alone for more than ten minutes. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Hey, hold on a—
[ Yet the situation devolves pretty quickly and at the end of Emerald's outburst she's out the door and Mayuzumi's left holding the (tossed) bag.
He lets out an audible exhale. Damn it, these two can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. Not that he entirely blames Emerald for getting angry and having to leave to cool off when Akashi's overreacted and tried to shut down their discussion, but this problem's also just ended up dumped entirely in Mayuzumi's lap to deal with on his own.
Which means even if it's a major hassle and he's half-tempted to boot the guy out for being difficult, he doesn't have much choice other than to swallow his own frustration down some and step up to deal with the situation. He also doesn't want to let Akashi be alone when the guy's in this kind of fragile frame of mind anyway, and so he moves to take Akashi's hand. ]
Don't think I'm gonna just let you run off by yourself too when you're upset and saying stuff like that.
[ His voice softens. ]
...I told you I'd never leave you, didn't I? That means there's no way I'm letting you go now.
no subject
I was honest. I said how I felt. I didn't do anything wrong.
[ He already feels bad, and Emerald walking out on him because he said what was bothering him makes him feel even worse. What's happening isn't really boosting his confidence here...
This time, he doesn't even ask Mayuzumi for advice on what to do. He's ready to leave. All he has to do is get his bag. But he waits, in case Mayuzumi has something to say.
As for Emerald, the two of them can talk about what happened later. Akashi legitimately doesn't think he's done or said anything wrong, so he'll wait some time until he thinks Emerald has cooled off before he talks to her again. He'd apologise either way, because he doesn't want her getting mad at him. That just opens up the prospect of her leaving. ]
no subject
[ Akashi's stubborn, but so is Mayuzumi. If holding hands isn't enough to keep the guy from leaving, then he'll wrap his arms around Akashi's shoulders from behind and hug him. ]
But shutting us out and running away whenever things get rough doesn't fix anything. That's what we're really upset about, not your past. Sometimes you have to put up with feeling uncomfortable for a little while to work things out.
[ He gives a gentle squeeze, burying his face against Akashi's shoulder. ]
What the hell kind of ridiculous idea is erasing memories, anyway? Why do you always want to overdo everything?
no subject
[ Mayuzumi, this is the kid who said he'd gouge his eyes out if his team lost. He also said he'd kill his parents if they got in the way of his victory. He's also the same person who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders with hardly any time for a break. He may have changed, he may have found himself, but in many other ways, he's still broken. This is the only way he knows how to deal with hardships that come his way. ]
It may sound ridiculous and it may sound idiotic, but if it's for everyone's peace of mind, then it's worth considering.
[ Akashi's posture is stiff, and his shaky voice is betraying his words. It's not like he wants to do this, but it would probably be better than having to be reminded of his past and how the people he cares about most aren't a fan of it. ]
no subject
[ Mayuzumi's voice grows sharper, even though he's still holding on tight. What Akashi's really doing right now just isn't acceptable at all, and a throwback to the guy's behavior back before Mayuzumi graduated.
He sure as hell hasn't forgotten incidents like that eye gouging threat; sure it worked to get the Uncrowned Kings in line that time enough to win that game, but it was still a messed up thing to do then, and Akashi pulling anything remotely like that with his boyfriend and girlfriend isn't something Mayuzumi can just let slide. ]
...You know, I really thought you'd gotten over doing this kind of thing. Waving threats to hurt yourself over people's heads to get them to knuckle under.
[ Because that's exactly what Akashi messing with his own brain would be! How can the guy think doing something like that would make Mayuzumi or Emerald feel any better? ]
You got away with it at Rakuzan, but don't think you can twist my arm with this kind of stunt now.
no subject
[ His heartbeat's gone quicker, a little difficult to control, and even moreso when he knows he has to face this issue head on. Mayuzumi's not exactly offering any means of escape here, literally and metaphorically. ]
I would do it if you asked me to. If Emerald asked me to. It's not a means of gaining control.
We had an argument because I saw memories of her dancing with Mercury once. She also happened to see a memory of mine - when I had been bitten by a vampire in Empatheias and I went to Hinasaki's to make sure she was safe. We both got jealous, and I said that I would forget about Hinasaki if it would make her happy.
Emerald said she didn't want to lose a part of me, but she doesn't like that part of me. You don't like it either. How can I make you both happy knowing this? I was merely asking to not talk about it anymore, because it doesn't need to be said. Because it's a part of me that I've moved on from, and I have no intention of going back to it. So please...
[ Then, he pauses, because the hard part is... bargaining. He'd been making demands this whole time, his requests sounding as bossy as he normally is. He's at his wit's end now, though. He's not really sure what to do, but he's... trying, in his own way. ]
I'm only asking to not talk about her anymore. I only ask that you don't think about her anymore, because there is nothing to worry about in the first place. I only ask that you respect my requests.
And... I will forget about her, if that's what you want.
no subject
But whatever, we all got the idea about that by now.
[ And he feels like they're talking in circles about it. He would've dropped the subject by now if Akashi hadn't seemed bothered before; he couldn't just let the guy be upset without trying to find out what the problem was. ]
What you really need to understand is that I don't want you to forget and neither does Em. How many times are we gonna have to say it?
[ He tries to figure out how to say it in a way that Akashi will understand. ]
Look...things are still kind of complicated between you and me. You can really get on my nerves sometimes, and some of our memories together aren't the best, either.
But even with all of that, I still fell for the person you are. You wouldn't be the same person without those memories.
I'll always find reasons to get jealous sometimes, because I want to keep you all to myself. But it's not something you can just fix by cutting away parts of yourself. Sometimes it really is all on me and I need to just get over it on my own, but sometimes we gotta talk to work things out, even if it's not a fun conversation.
...The only one who thinks you need to be perfect all the time is you.
no subject
He places his hands over Mayuzumi's. They stay there for a few seconds before he gives up and puts his hands back down. ]
I get it now. You can let go, Mayuzumi-san.
[ Now it's his turn to sigh. He's tired, but it's his own doing. He's a little too stressed out to want to do anything else now. Whether or not Mayuzumi lets go of him though, he turns around to look at the older boy.
There's hint of remorse in his eyes, but it's mostly loneliness that shows in his gaze. ]
You have to promise that—that even if I'm all the things you said and that I make mistakes—that you won't leave. You'll still love me despite it all.
[ He looks away after saying that. It's said so innocently, because all he really wants is to be accepted. Akashi needs a lot of practice in being okay with being imperfect, and he'll never be okay with it unless he gets that constant reassurance that everything will still work out. It may have been months since he last saw his father, but it doesn't mean his words don't sting even up to now. ]
You have to promise. Because I don't know what I would do if you or Emerald left.
no subject
The look Akashi gives him makes pulling away the last thing he wants to do, and it's even more unthinkable after what Akashi asks of him. The guy can be a real handful to deal with sometimes, but Mayuzumi really does still love him regardless. ]
Yeah, I promise. I'll say it however many times as you need to hear it.
[ He takes a step closer, one of his hands cupping Akashi's cheek. ]
I'll never leave you.
no subject
Mayuzumi-san, I won't go now, but I'd like to rest.
[ Lay down, he means. He'll wait for Emerald to come back. Though he's not really sure what he would say once she's back... He'll need some quiet time for that. ]
no subject
He might push back with Akashi when it really counts, but he's also pretty weak to the guy, too. How else could Akashi even get Mayuzumi (and Emerald, too) to consider this moonlacing with other people idea as something remotely acceptable to go along with?
He isn't exactly going to be rushing out to do anything with anyone else, but he's accepted the practicality of what Akashi's proposing. Definitely if it ever actually happens he's going to be very keen on making sure that it's overwritten by one or both of them.
But right now he's done arguing... ]
All right.
[ He lets go, but stays close. ]
Go ahead and rest. We can smooth things over with Em when she gets back.
no subject
Thank you. I just—
[ He wants to be by himself for a moment. He wants to think, to mull over what happened, and brood over how he's always arguing with both of them and how they'll probably grow tired of him eventually. Mayuzumi said he'd never leave... but Akashi also needs to do better to make sure they never entertain the idea of it. ]
Nevermind.
[ He'll rest in Mayuzumi and Emerald's room, taking Mayuzumi's side so he can lay down and stare at the ceiling. Though he'll unintentionally fall asleep if he's left alone for more than ten minutes. ]