[ They are talking in circles, and Akashi's going to keep making sure they do until he feels like he's being supported, too.
He places his hands over Mayuzumi's. They stay there for a few seconds before he gives up and puts his hands back down. ]
I get it now. You can let go, Mayuzumi-san.
[ Now it's his turn to sigh. He's tired, but it's his own doing. He's a little too stressed out to want to do anything else now. Whether or not Mayuzumi lets go of him though, he turns around to look at the older boy.
There's hint of remorse in his eyes, but it's mostly loneliness that shows in his gaze. ]
You have to promise that—that even if I'm all the things you said and that I make mistakes—that you won't leave. You'll still love me despite it all.
[ He looks away after saying that. It's said so innocently, because all he really wants is to be accepted. Akashi needs a lot of practice in being okay with being imperfect, and he'll never be okay with it unless he gets that constant reassurance that everything will still work out. It may have been months since he last saw his father, but it doesn't mean his words don't sting even up to now. ]
You have to promise. Because I don't know what I would do if you or Emerald left.
[ Mayuzumi does loosen his grip when prompted, his hands coming to rest on Akashi's shoulders when the guy turns to face him.
The look Akashi gives him makes pulling away the last thing he wants to do, and it's even more unthinkable after what Akashi asks of him. The guy can be a real handful to deal with sometimes, but Mayuzumi really does still love him regardless. ]
Yeah, I promise. I'll say it however many times as you need to hear it.
[ He takes a step closer, one of his hands cupping Akashi's cheek. ]
[ Akashi closes his eyes as he leans into the touch. He... should probably go, or sit down. He doesn't know. He feels warm somehow. Mayuzumi talking to him like this is helping. ]
Mayuzumi-san, I won't go now, but I'd like to rest.
[ Lay down, he means. He'll wait for Emerald to come back. Though he's not really sure what he would say once she's back... He'll need some quiet time for that. ]
[ Even just the brush of Mayuzumi's fingertips against Akashi's face is enough to generate a cozy, comforting kind of feeling between them. Maybe it's more work on Mayuzumi's part to have to support and reassure Akashi when the guy's having a fragile moment, but it's also gratifying to be relied upon.
He might push back with Akashi when it really counts, but he's also pretty weak to the guy, too. How else could Akashi even get Mayuzumi (and Emerald, too) to consider this moonlacing with other people idea as something remotely acceptable to go along with?
He isn't exactly going to be rushing out to do anything with anyone else, but he's accepted the practicality of what Akashi's proposing. Definitely if it ever actually happens he's going to be very keen on making sure that it's overwritten by one or both of them.
But right now he's done arguing... ]
All right.
[ He lets go, but stays close. ]
Go ahead and rest. We can smooth things over with Em when she gets back.
[ The look Akashi gives Mayuzumi still has traces of guilt, and in fact, he lowers his head and bows to show his gratitude and how sorry he is. ]
Thank you. I just—
[ He wants to be by himself for a moment. He wants to think, to mull over what happened, and brood over how he's always arguing with both of them and how they'll probably grow tired of him eventually. Mayuzumi said he'd never leave... but Akashi also needs to do better to make sure they never entertain the idea of it. ]
Nevermind.
[ He'll rest in Mayuzumi and Emerald's room, taking Mayuzumi's side so he can lay down and stare at the ceiling. Though he'll unintentionally fall asleep if he's left alone for more than ten minutes. ]
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no subject
He places his hands over Mayuzumi's. They stay there for a few seconds before he gives up and puts his hands back down. ]
I get it now. You can let go, Mayuzumi-san.
[ Now it's his turn to sigh. He's tired, but it's his own doing. He's a little too stressed out to want to do anything else now. Whether or not Mayuzumi lets go of him though, he turns around to look at the older boy.
There's hint of remorse in his eyes, but it's mostly loneliness that shows in his gaze. ]
You have to promise that—that even if I'm all the things you said and that I make mistakes—that you won't leave. You'll still love me despite it all.
[ He looks away after saying that. It's said so innocently, because all he really wants is to be accepted. Akashi needs a lot of practice in being okay with being imperfect, and he'll never be okay with it unless he gets that constant reassurance that everything will still work out. It may have been months since he last saw his father, but it doesn't mean his words don't sting even up to now. ]
You have to promise. Because I don't know what I would do if you or Emerald left.
no subject
The look Akashi gives him makes pulling away the last thing he wants to do, and it's even more unthinkable after what Akashi asks of him. The guy can be a real handful to deal with sometimes, but Mayuzumi really does still love him regardless. ]
Yeah, I promise. I'll say it however many times as you need to hear it.
[ He takes a step closer, one of his hands cupping Akashi's cheek. ]
I'll never leave you.
no subject
Mayuzumi-san, I won't go now, but I'd like to rest.
[ Lay down, he means. He'll wait for Emerald to come back. Though he's not really sure what he would say once she's back... He'll need some quiet time for that. ]
no subject
He might push back with Akashi when it really counts, but he's also pretty weak to the guy, too. How else could Akashi even get Mayuzumi (and Emerald, too) to consider this moonlacing with other people idea as something remotely acceptable to go along with?
He isn't exactly going to be rushing out to do anything with anyone else, but he's accepted the practicality of what Akashi's proposing. Definitely if it ever actually happens he's going to be very keen on making sure that it's overwritten by one or both of them.
But right now he's done arguing... ]
All right.
[ He lets go, but stays close. ]
Go ahead and rest. We can smooth things over with Em when she gets back.
no subject
Thank you. I just—
[ He wants to be by himself for a moment. He wants to think, to mull over what happened, and brood over how he's always arguing with both of them and how they'll probably grow tired of him eventually. Mayuzumi said he'd never leave... but Akashi also needs to do better to make sure they never entertain the idea of it. ]
Nevermind.
[ He'll rest in Mayuzumi and Emerald's room, taking Mayuzumi's side so he can lay down and stare at the ceiling. Though he'll unintentionally fall asleep if he's left alone for more than ten minutes. ]