I don't see anything crazy about what you've said. If it comes down to having to help someone else out, of course the physical part's where it's going to start and end. Friends stay just friends.
[ In truth Mayuzumi doesn't have any particularly stringent demands on either of them that differ from what Emerald's already stated. Doing anything that could be considered romantic with anyone outside of their relationship's definitely off-limits, which also means he doesn't like the idea of any of them sleeping beside anyone else.
He could probably think of something else to add, but right now it's become obvious to him something's really bugging Akashi, just as Emerald seems to have picked up on too. Even if the discussion they're having now is kind of important, it's not something he can just ignore. ]
...Let's set all this aside for a minute, though.
[ He isn't satisfied being across from the two of them, so he leaves his seat and joins them on the couch; he sits on the other side of Akashi but doesn't maintain any distance at all, instead leaning in comfortably close, his hand coming to rest on Akashi's head. ]
Because a certain guy here needs to tell us what's bugging him first.
[ He wrinkles his nose when he's sandwiched by both Emerald and Mayuzumi. He doesn't feel cornered—any other time, he would, but it's Emerald and Mayuzumi... he feels a little uncomfortable, and he shows it by sighing and playing with Emerald's fingers with his free hand. He spreads out her fingers and gives the tip a squeeze one after the other as he thinks of what it is he wants to say.
That is, how to properly say it.
Akashi doesn't look at either of them in the eye. ]
Why do the two of you always bring her up?
[ He doesn't say Miu's name this time. He knows they know what he means. That's it - he's not sure how to follow up with that, because he's not sure where he even wants to direct this conversation. This is why he didn't want to talk about it!! ]
[ Emerald watches his touching her hands, letting him play with her fingers. She's there to comfort, not to make uncomfortable. She hadn't intended on pushing him since she was afraid of him shutting down like he does when she's being a pest, but Mayuzumi manages it. He's always better at being the push when Emerald is the pull. At the question, she looks up at Mayuzumi for a brief moment as if making sure she can talk first, then does. ]
For me... I don't think I could ever stop loving you, and I don't think I could ever stop fighting to be with you as long as I felt that way, even if that means doing things that made you hate me. Just because I trust you not to go back to her doesn't mean I trust her not to try to win you back. I can't see how anyone could fall out of love with you and I can't see how you could fall in love with anyone who wouldn't dedicate themselves to you. So if we're talking about things that I can't accept, of course she's at the top of that list. It's impossible not to bring her up. Before that it was because I saw those memories of her in the GIGAs, and then before that it was when we were first getting together right after you dumped her, of course it would come up.
[ She didn't think it was always, but sometimes it's hard to avoid, you know... ]
[ Mayuzumi waits for Emerald to finish speaking before weighing in; between the two of them he knows Emerald feels a lot more strongly about Miu than he does, even if he has some jealous hangups about the subject too. If he ends up agreeing with Emerald, it isn't like he's trying to put Akashi on the spot or automatically taking Emerald's side with everything. In addition to being honest about his own feelings on the subject he's taken it upon himself to help bridge any gaps in understanding between the three of them when he feels like it might be needed. He sure doesn't want to see either of them ending up in tears again anytime soon...
He withdraws his hand to rub his neck but he still stays close, his shoulder brushing against Akashi's as a reminder that he's right here with the guy. ]
Yeah, it really can't be helped if Hinasaki comes up now considering what we're talking about. And she only came up before that time I stayed over because you and I were talking about doing it.
...I didn't expect I'd get worked up over her when I brought it up that time, though. But that was my bad and you didn't do anything wrong.
[ And Akashi really did a good job of smoothing things over that time anyway. ]
I suppose I just can't deny I feel the same as Em on this. I trust you but I don't trust Hinasaki. I mean, I'm not gonna raise a fuss if she comes back and you just want to be her friend, even if I'm not exactly interested in going out of my way to make nice with her. I know you don't like letting people go, so that much I can deal with.
But it'd be way too easy for her to get the wrong idea if you moonlaced with her because you were together before, wouldn't it? Even if you don't feel that way anymore it could end up being a big hassle for all of us, including her.
That's why I have to say I wouldn't accept her. I trust Midorima not to be a problem, because I know he's not the type that would cause problems for our relationship.
[ Even if the Midorima here isn't the same one who lived in the same house with him for months back in Verens, Mayuzumi's still sure Midorima's really a pretty good guy under that kind of weird and prickly exterior. ]
I'm pretty sure your other middle school pals are the same way and won't get any wrong ideas, so they're fine.
[ He glances off to the side, because the person he mentions next he still has some pretty complicated feelings about, even if he really can't find it in him to issue a veto. ]
[ That doesn't really answer the question. At least, they're not the answers Akashi's expecting to hear, and it puts him in an even more sour mood. He asked why they keep bringing her up—this wouldn't be the first time—not why they can't accept her.
The trust him, they don't trust Hinasaki— that's valid. Akashi's already told himself to speak with Kise after this to tell him to back off (in a nice way, of course!). Mercury... he doesn't know what to do with him anymore. He doesn't want to get close or talk to him, even if it's just a text conversation. He's too scared. ]
If you don't accept her, that's fine. I'm not asking you to, but it's a little tiring to hear her name so often now when I don't even want to have anything to do with her romantically anymore.
[ But he's also been bad at opening up about how he feels. At first, he thought he wasn't good enough and that's why Miu disappeared. Then he tried to move on and thought of her as someone who betrayed him. He wasn't angry, more bitter and decided that he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. Then he goes back to Japan and stays there for a year or so, developing more as a person before going back to Empatheias. By then, he'd forgotten about her - gotten over her and what happened and more than ready to move on.
He's never said anything about this to anybody. He couldn't.
When they talk about her now, when he's already over what happened, they bring him back to how he used to be. That's why it's annoying and he really doesn't like it. ]
Don't bring her up again.
[ There should be a please in there somewhere, but his mood is preventing him from saying it. He does let go of Emerald's hand though and shifts a little in his seat. He's not comfortable. ]
[ Emerald tenses a little at the response. It feels like they're in trouble for expressing their feelings here, and in this case.. well, she doesn't know what Mayuzumi's brought up exactly, but for herself.. she doesn't think the times she has has been invalid.
She also doesn't really like how he's basically telling them that they're not allowed to express concern over it. Things are uncomfortable, it happens. ]
I've brought her up after you broke up with her, when I had to see those memories of yours in the GIGA against my will, and now, when its actually relevant. It's not like it's a fun topic I'm happy to think about and that's rich coming from you, by the way. You're tired of hearing about jealousy for someone you don't have romantic feelings for? I wonder who could relate to that!
[ Emerald almost kicks the coffee table near them, but freezes mid-motion before she causes damage. It's probably good that Akashi let go of her, because she's digging her nails into the couch. She sets her foot down on the ground and stands up after she catches herself and goes to stand in the corner of the room instead. She's not leaving, she has no plans to run from this conversation, but she just- she needed to move for a second, get the agitation out. She folds her arms, rubbing one with her hand to try to calm herself down. No outbursts. ]
--Sorry. Just.. [ How does she explain how she's feeling without getting angry? Her tone gets a little softer and she looks down. ]
I'd accept dying in a ditch somewhere or watching everyone outside of this room and Mercury die over letting someone else touch me. This conversation is because you two want to moonlace with people for the sake of your friends. But I'm sorry if you're tired of us bringing up a reasonable topic of conversation, same as I asked Chihiro before if he had any exes. I'm tired of every single part of this conversation, but I'm putting up with it because I know your friends important to you, Seijuro.
[ She doesn't quite want to go back to where Akashi and Mayu are sitting now, but she also doesn't know what to do so she's just going to stay over here for a bit. ]
[ Mayuzumi clearly isn't particularly happy both Akashi and Emerald feel troubled by the situation; even if he should probably try to smooth things over more, he's frustrated with Akashi right now too.
He gets it's an awkward and uncomfortable subject for the guy, but he also can't get behind Akashi trying to unilaterally shut down talking about Miu when it's important to a discussion that Mayuzumi and Emerald didn't even initiate in the first place. ]
You're the guy who brought up the idea of doing this with other people to begin with here, remember? It's the pragmatic thing to do if it's an emergency, I know. But you can't complain if we have limits about what we'll go along with and say what they are.
[ He sighs. ]
I know it bugs you, but we aren't bringing her up just to make you feel bad, you know. If I had an ex I wouldn't blame you or Em for mentioning them when we're talking about something like this.
I'm pretty sure all three of us don't want to think about her more than we have to, but sometimes it just can't be helped.
[ And then there's Emerald bringing up Akashi being jealous of Mercury. He'd stopped talking about Mercury since the day they fought. He hasn't brought him up since. He's been controlling himself and just taking it all in so they don't have to fight again.
He'd thought they moved past that already, so Emerald bringing it up is a little annoying, even if it was mostly his fault that time.
If he addresses that though, then they're going to have another topic to argue about, so he doesn't. ]
You say you don't bring her up to make me feel bad, but I do. Every time you bring up the past, it makes me feel like I've done something so gravely wrong to you. I can't stand knowing that I've hurt you and I continue to hurt you because of a past relationship.
[ His voice cracks at the last sentence, because it makes him feel so guilty both with Miu being brought up constantly and the fact that he's actually admitting this. He's vulnerable right now, immensely so, and he's not exactly used to this kind of feeling. He hopes never do be this weak again. ]
That's why I'm asking for it to stop. [ But they're making it clear that they'll continue to talk about it, so he'll have to come up with a solution himself. When he speaks again, it's a lot softer, but not in a good way. It's like the words are stuck in his throat and he's forcing his body to continue talking when he feels so bad and is about to cry.
He gets up from the couch and looks around, remembering where he placed his satchel last. ]
I don't think I've done anything wrong. It's also a given that I wouldn't do anything romantic with anyone else. I assumed it didn't even need to be said, but it was my mistake to jump to conclusions.
I think I should go, though. [ And he walks over to the other seat to get his bag. ] And I'll ask around if there's anyone who can remove certain memories. That might help.
[ That's her whole point. Mercury came up in this conversation before and she didn't complain about it. She hasn't brought Miu up since the GIGA incident, and she didn't plan to until Akashi brought this up. But they needed to, because they're talking about something important. Something Akashi brought up, and now he's leaving. He's bailing because he's upset. Emerald can't help but feel angry about that. It's not his fault- it's years and years and years of having to deal with feeling like everything in the world is wrong and not having an escape. Him ignoring her or bailing or threatening to leave every time he's upset is starting to get under her skin.
Emerald stomps over to snatch Akashi's bag away from him before he can get to it and tosses it over to... no, throws it almost at Mayuzumi. Not on purpose. (She'll apologize later.) She's heading for the door as she keeps talking. She's too angry, she needs to leave before she makes this worse, not Akashi. Akashi is the one who wanted to have this conversation and Chihiro is the one who can handle talking to him about things like this. She steps ahead toward the door. She doesn't know where she's going, but she's too angry and that doesn't translate well too anything -not just words. She's not like them even if they treat her like she is. ]
Seijuro, you're the only one who feels like you've done something gravely wrong here! You had feelings for her, we get it, and that's why we brought it up. Chihiro and I love you and are trying to talk to you about this. I don't know how we're supposed to do that if you're getting defensive and trying to leave every time you feel uncomfortable or upset or exploding and deciding you need to get rid of your memories which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! You two stay, decide what you want to do since you're the ones who don't feel like homicide is an option when you get jealous and so feel it's important to prevent that. Just tell me what you decide! That's the only way everything works out here.
[ She opens the door and holds it, but pointedly looks at Seijuro. ]
The whole world isn't positive feelings, Seijuro, and people who think the positive the only ones that are important to experience are idiots.
[ She's going through and slamming the door right after that. But she needs to go. Because she's angry, and the last thing she wants is either of them to be scared of her because she breaks the table or does something instinctively. ]
[ He's on his feet when Akashi moves to leave, but it's Emerald who acts quicker. ]
Hey, hold on a—
[ Yet the situation devolves pretty quickly and at the end of Emerald's outburst she's out the door and Mayuzumi's left holding the (tossed) bag.
He lets out an audible exhale. Damn it, these two can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. Not that he entirely blames Emerald for getting angry and having to leave to cool off when Akashi's overreacted and tried to shut down their discussion, but this problem's also just ended up dumped entirely in Mayuzumi's lap to deal with on his own.
Which means even if it's a major hassle and he's half-tempted to boot the guy out for being difficult, he doesn't have much choice other than to swallow his own frustration down some and step up to deal with the situation. He also doesn't want to let Akashi be alone when the guy's in this kind of fragile frame of mind anyway, and so he moves to take Akashi's hand. ]
Don't think I'm gonna just let you run off by yourself too when you're upset and saying stuff like that.
[ His voice softens. ]
...I told you I'd never leave you, didn't I? That means there's no way I'm letting you go now.
[ Akashi looks at their hands before he pulls his own away. He does it gently and slowly, and if Mayuzumi holds onto Akashi's hand tighter, then he won't fight it. He just doesn't feel good right now. He feels alone more than ever. ]
I was honest. I said how I felt. I didn't do anything wrong.
[ He already feels bad, and Emerald walking out on him because he said what was bothering him makes him feel even worse. What's happening isn't really boosting his confidence here...
This time, he doesn't even ask Mayuzumi for advice on what to do. He's ready to leave. All he has to do is get his bag. But he waits, in case Mayuzumi has something to say.
As for Emerald, the two of them can talk about what happened later. Akashi legitimately doesn't think he's done or said anything wrong, so he'll wait some time until he thinks Emerald has cooled off before he talks to her again. He'd apologise either way, because he doesn't want her getting mad at him. That just opens up the prospect of her leaving. ]
Yeah, you were honest. Nobody's unhappy about that.
[ Akashi's stubborn, but so is Mayuzumi. If holding hands isn't enough to keep the guy from leaving, then he'll wrap his arms around Akashi's shoulders from behind and hug him. ]
But shutting us out and running away whenever things get rough doesn't fix anything. That's what we're really upset about, not your past. Sometimes you have to put up with feeling uncomfortable for a little while to work things out.
[ He gives a gentle squeeze, burying his face against Akashi's shoulder. ]
What the hell kind of ridiculous idea is erasing memories, anyway? Why do you always want to overdo everything?
I only want to do what is necessary, it's so the two of you don't have to be upset anymore.
[ Mayuzumi, this is the kid who said he'd gouge his eyes out if his team lost. He also said he'd kill his parents if they got in the way of his victory. He's also the same person who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders with hardly any time for a break. He may have changed, he may have found himself, but in many other ways, he's still broken. This is the only way he knows how to deal with hardships that come his way. ]
It may sound ridiculous and it may sound idiotic, but if it's for everyone's peace of mind, then it's worth considering.
[ Akashi's posture is stiff, and his shaky voice is betraying his words. It's not like he wants to do this, but it would probably be better than having to be reminded of his past and how the people he cares about most aren't a fan of it. ]
How's it necessary? Nobody's even asking you to do anything like that!
[ Mayuzumi's voice grows sharper, even though he's still holding on tight. What Akashi's really doing right now just isn't acceptable at all, and a throwback to the guy's behavior back before Mayuzumi graduated.
He sure as hell hasn't forgotten incidents like that eye gouging threat; sure it worked to get the Uncrowned Kings in line that time enough to win that game, but it was still a messed up thing to do then, and Akashi pulling anything remotely like that with his boyfriend and girlfriend isn't something Mayuzumi can just let slide. ]
...You know, I really thought you'd gotten over doing this kind of thing. Waving threats to hurt yourself over people's heads to get them to knuckle under.
[ Because that's exactly what Akashi messing with his own brain would be! How can the guy think doing something like that would make Mayuzumi or Emerald feel any better? ]
You got away with it at Rakuzan, but don't think you can twist my arm with this kind of stunt now.
[ His heartbeat's gone quicker, a little difficult to control, and even moreso when he knows he has to face this issue head on. Mayuzumi's not exactly offering any means of escape here, literally and metaphorically. ]
I would do it if you asked me to. If Emerald asked me to. It's not a means of gaining control.
We had an argument because I saw memories of her dancing with Mercury once. She also happened to see a memory of mine - when I had been bitten by a vampire in Empatheias and I went to Hinasaki's to make sure she was safe. We both got jealous, and I said that I would forget about Hinasaki if it would make her happy.
Emerald said she didn't want to lose a part of me, but she doesn't like that part of me. You don't like it either. How can I make you both happy knowing this? I was merely asking to not talk about it anymore, because it doesn't need to be said. Because it's a part of me that I've moved on from, and I have no intention of going back to it. So please...
[ Then, he pauses, because the hard part is... bargaining. He'd been making demands this whole time, his requests sounding as bossy as he normally is. He's at his wit's end now, though. He's not really sure what to do, but he's... trying, in his own way. ]
I'm only asking to not talk about her anymore. I only ask that you don't think about her anymore, because there is nothing to worry about in the first place. I only ask that you respect my requests.
And... I will forget about her, if that's what you want.
...All right. So that isn't what you meant, fine. And I get that you don't want to talk about it. I know it's tough for you, and I really wouldn't talk about her anymore if you hadn't brought the subject of moonlacing with other people up.
But whatever, we all got the idea about that by now.
[ And he feels like they're talking in circles about it. He would've dropped the subject by now if Akashi hadn't seemed bothered before; he couldn't just let the guy be upset without trying to find out what the problem was. ]
What you really need to understand is that I don't want you to forget and neither does Em. How many times are we gonna have to say it?
[ He tries to figure out how to say it in a way that Akashi will understand. ]
Look...things are still kind of complicated between you and me. You can really get on my nerves sometimes, and some of our memories together aren't the best, either.
But even with all of that, I still fell for the person you are. You wouldn't be the same person without those memories.
I'll always find reasons to get jealous sometimes, because I want to keep you all to myself. But it's not something you can just fix by cutting away parts of yourself. Sometimes it really is all on me and I need to just get over it on my own, but sometimes we gotta talk to work things out, even if it's not a fun conversation.
...The only one who thinks you need to be perfect all the time is you.
[ They are talking in circles, and Akashi's going to keep making sure they do until he feels like he's being supported, too.
He places his hands over Mayuzumi's. They stay there for a few seconds before he gives up and puts his hands back down. ]
I get it now. You can let go, Mayuzumi-san.
[ Now it's his turn to sigh. He's tired, but it's his own doing. He's a little too stressed out to want to do anything else now. Whether or not Mayuzumi lets go of him though, he turns around to look at the older boy.
There's hint of remorse in his eyes, but it's mostly loneliness that shows in his gaze. ]
You have to promise that—that even if I'm all the things you said and that I make mistakes—that you won't leave. You'll still love me despite it all.
[ He looks away after saying that. It's said so innocently, because all he really wants is to be accepted. Akashi needs a lot of practice in being okay with being imperfect, and he'll never be okay with it unless he gets that constant reassurance that everything will still work out. It may have been months since he last saw his father, but it doesn't mean his words don't sting even up to now. ]
You have to promise. Because I don't know what I would do if you or Emerald left.
[ Mayuzumi does loosen his grip when prompted, his hands coming to rest on Akashi's shoulders when the guy turns to face him.
The look Akashi gives him makes pulling away the last thing he wants to do, and it's even more unthinkable after what Akashi asks of him. The guy can be a real handful to deal with sometimes, but Mayuzumi really does still love him regardless. ]
Yeah, I promise. I'll say it however many times as you need to hear it.
[ He takes a step closer, one of his hands cupping Akashi's cheek. ]
[ Akashi closes his eyes as he leans into the touch. He... should probably go, or sit down. He doesn't know. He feels warm somehow. Mayuzumi talking to him like this is helping. ]
Mayuzumi-san, I won't go now, but I'd like to rest.
[ Lay down, he means. He'll wait for Emerald to come back. Though he's not really sure what he would say once she's back... He'll need some quiet time for that. ]
[ Even just the brush of Mayuzumi's fingertips against Akashi's face is enough to generate a cozy, comforting kind of feeling between them. Maybe it's more work on Mayuzumi's part to have to support and reassure Akashi when the guy's having a fragile moment, but it's also gratifying to be relied upon.
He might push back with Akashi when it really counts, but he's also pretty weak to the guy, too. How else could Akashi even get Mayuzumi (and Emerald, too) to consider this moonlacing with other people idea as something remotely acceptable to go along with?
He isn't exactly going to be rushing out to do anything with anyone else, but he's accepted the practicality of what Akashi's proposing. Definitely if it ever actually happens he's going to be very keen on making sure that it's overwritten by one or both of them.
But right now he's done arguing... ]
All right.
[ He lets go, but stays close. ]
Go ahead and rest. We can smooth things over with Em when she gets back.
[ The look Akashi gives Mayuzumi still has traces of guilt, and in fact, he lowers his head and bows to show his gratitude and how sorry he is. ]
Thank you. I just—
[ He wants to be by himself for a moment. He wants to think, to mull over what happened, and brood over how he's always arguing with both of them and how they'll probably grow tired of him eventually. Mayuzumi said he'd never leave... but Akashi also needs to do better to make sure they never entertain the idea of it. ]
Nevermind.
[ He'll rest in Mayuzumi and Emerald's room, taking Mayuzumi's side so he can lay down and stare at the ceiling. Though he'll unintentionally fall asleep if he's left alone for more than ten minutes. ]
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[ In truth Mayuzumi doesn't have any particularly stringent demands on either of them that differ from what Emerald's already stated. Doing anything that could be considered romantic with anyone outside of their relationship's definitely off-limits, which also means he doesn't like the idea of any of them sleeping beside anyone else.
He could probably think of something else to add, but right now it's become obvious to him something's really bugging Akashi, just as Emerald seems to have picked up on too. Even if the discussion they're having now is kind of important, it's not something he can just ignore. ]
...Let's set all this aside for a minute, though.
[ He isn't satisfied being across from the two of them, so he leaves his seat and joins them on the couch; he sits on the other side of Akashi but doesn't maintain any distance at all, instead leaning in comfortably close, his hand coming to rest on Akashi's head. ]
Because a certain guy here needs to tell us what's bugging him first.
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That is, how to properly say it.
Akashi doesn't look at either of them in the eye. ]
Why do the two of you always bring her up?
[ He doesn't say Miu's name this time. He knows they know what he means. That's it - he's not sure how to follow up with that, because he's not sure where he even wants to direct this conversation. This is why he didn't want to talk about it!! ]
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For me... I don't think I could ever stop loving you, and I don't think I could ever stop fighting to be with you as long as I felt that way, even if that means doing things that made you hate me. Just because I trust you not to go back to her doesn't mean I trust her not to try to win you back. I can't see how anyone could fall out of love with you and I can't see how you could fall in love with anyone who wouldn't dedicate themselves to you. So if we're talking about things that I can't accept, of course she's at the top of that list. It's impossible not to bring her up. Before that it was because I saw those memories of her in the GIGAs, and then before that it was when we were first getting together right after you dumped her, of course it would come up.
[ She didn't think it was always, but sometimes it's hard to avoid, you know... ]
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He withdraws his hand to rub his neck but he still stays close, his shoulder brushing against Akashi's as a reminder that he's right here with the guy. ]
Yeah, it really can't be helped if Hinasaki comes up now considering what we're talking about. And she only came up before that time I stayed over because you and I were talking about doing it.
...I didn't expect I'd get worked up over her when I brought it up that time, though. But that was my bad and you didn't do anything wrong.
[ And Akashi really did a good job of smoothing things over that time anyway. ]
I suppose I just can't deny I feel the same as Em on this. I trust you but I don't trust Hinasaki. I mean, I'm not gonna raise a fuss if she comes back and you just want to be her friend, even if I'm not exactly interested in going out of my way to make nice with her. I know you don't like letting people go, so that much I can deal with.
But it'd be way too easy for her to get the wrong idea if you moonlaced with her because you were together before, wouldn't it? Even if you don't feel that way anymore it could end up being a big hassle for all of us, including her.
That's why I have to say I wouldn't accept her. I trust Midorima not to be a problem, because I know he's not the type that would cause problems for our relationship.
[ Even if the Midorima here isn't the same one who lived in the same house with him for months back in Verens, Mayuzumi's still sure Midorima's really a pretty good guy under that kind of weird and prickly exterior. ]
I'm pretty sure your other middle school pals are the same way and won't get any wrong ideas, so they're fine.
[ He glances off to the side, because the person he mentions next he still has some pretty complicated feelings about, even if he really can't find it in him to issue a veto. ]
...Kuroko would be okay too, if he was here.
Just not her.
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The trust him, they don't trust Hinasaki— that's valid. Akashi's already told himself to speak with Kise after this to tell him to back off (in a nice way, of course!). Mercury... he doesn't know what to do with him anymore. He doesn't want to get close or talk to him, even if it's just a text conversation. He's too scared. ]
If you don't accept her, that's fine. I'm not asking you to, but it's a little tiring to hear her name so often now when I don't even want to have anything to do with her romantically anymore.
[ But he's also been bad at opening up about how he feels. At first, he thought he wasn't good enough and that's why Miu disappeared. Then he tried to move on and thought of her as someone who betrayed him. He wasn't angry, more bitter and decided that he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. Then he goes back to Japan and stays there for a year or so, developing more as a person before going back to Empatheias. By then, he'd forgotten about her - gotten over her and what happened and more than ready to move on.
He's never said anything about this to anybody. He couldn't.
When they talk about her now, when he's already over what happened, they bring him back to how he used to be. That's why it's annoying and he really doesn't like it. ]
Don't bring her up again.
[ There should be a please in there somewhere, but his mood is preventing him from saying it. He does let go of Emerald's hand though and shifts a little in his seat. He's not comfortable. ]
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She also doesn't really like how he's basically telling them that they're not allowed to express concern over it. Things are uncomfortable, it happens. ]
I've brought her up after you broke up with her, when I had to see those memories of yours in the GIGA against my will, and now, when its actually relevant. It's not like it's a fun topic I'm happy to think about and that's rich coming from you, by the way. You're tired of hearing about jealousy for someone you don't have romantic feelings for? I wonder who could relate to that!
[ Emerald almost kicks the coffee table near them, but freezes mid-motion before she causes damage. It's probably good that Akashi let go of her, because she's digging her nails into the couch. She sets her foot down on the ground and stands up after she catches herself and goes to stand in the corner of the room instead. She's not leaving, she has no plans to run from this conversation, but she just- she needed to move for a second, get the agitation out. She folds her arms, rubbing one with her hand to try to calm herself down. No outbursts. ]
--Sorry. Just.. [ How does she explain how she's feeling without getting angry? Her tone gets a little softer and she looks down. ]
I'd accept dying in a ditch somewhere or watching everyone outside of this room and Mercury die over letting someone else touch me. This conversation is because you two want to moonlace with people for the sake of your friends. But I'm sorry if you're tired of us bringing up a reasonable topic of conversation, same as I asked Chihiro before if he had any exes. I'm tired of every single part of this conversation, but I'm putting up with it because I know your friends important to you, Seijuro.
[ She doesn't quite want to go back to where Akashi and Mayu are sitting now, but she also doesn't know what to do so she's just going to stay over here for a bit. ]
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He gets it's an awkward and uncomfortable subject for the guy, but he also can't get behind Akashi trying to unilaterally shut down talking about Miu when it's important to a discussion that Mayuzumi and Emerald didn't even initiate in the first place. ]
You're the guy who brought up the idea of doing this with other people to begin with here, remember? It's the pragmatic thing to do if it's an emergency, I know. But you can't complain if we have limits about what we'll go along with and say what they are.
[ He sighs. ]
I know it bugs you, but we aren't bringing her up just to make you feel bad, you know. If I had an ex I wouldn't blame you or Em for mentioning them when we're talking about something like this.
I'm pretty sure all three of us don't want to think about her more than we have to, but sometimes it just can't be helped.
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He'd thought they moved past that already, so Emerald bringing it up is a little annoying, even if it was mostly his fault that time.
If he addresses that though, then they're going to have another topic to argue about, so he doesn't. ]
You say you don't bring her up to make me feel bad, but I do. Every time you bring up the past, it makes me feel like I've done something so gravely wrong to you. I can't stand knowing that I've hurt you and I continue to hurt you because of a past relationship.
[ His voice cracks at the last sentence, because it makes him feel so guilty both with Miu being brought up constantly and the fact that he's actually admitting this. He's vulnerable right now, immensely so, and he's not exactly used to this kind of feeling. He hopes never do be this weak again. ]
That's why I'm asking for it to stop. [ But they're making it clear that they'll continue to talk about it, so he'll have to come up with a solution himself. When he speaks again, it's a lot softer, but not in a good way. It's like the words are stuck in his throat and he's forcing his body to continue talking when he feels so bad and is about to cry.
He gets up from the couch and looks around, remembering where he placed his satchel last. ]
I don't think I've done anything wrong. It's also a given that I wouldn't do anything romantic with anyone else. I assumed it didn't even need to be said, but it was my mistake to jump to conclusions.
I think I should go, though. [ And he walks over to the other seat to get his bag. ] And I'll ask around if there's anyone who can remove certain memories. That might help.
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Emerald stomps over to snatch Akashi's bag away from him before he can get to it and tosses it over to... no, throws it almost at Mayuzumi. Not on purpose. (She'll apologize later.) She's heading for the door as she keeps talking. She's too angry, she needs to leave before she makes this worse, not Akashi. Akashi is the one who wanted to have this conversation and Chihiro is the one who can handle talking to him about things like this. She steps ahead toward the door. She doesn't know where she's going, but she's too angry and that doesn't translate well too anything -not just words. She's not like them even if they treat her like she is. ]
Seijuro, you're the only one who feels like you've done something gravely wrong here! You had feelings for her, we get it, and that's why we brought it up. Chihiro and I love you and are trying to talk to you about this. I don't know how we're supposed to do that if you're getting defensive and trying to leave every time you feel uncomfortable or upset or exploding and deciding you need to get rid of your memories which is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! You two stay, decide what you want to do since you're the ones who don't feel like homicide is an option when you get jealous and so feel it's important to prevent that. Just tell me what you decide! That's the only way everything works out here.
[ She opens the door and holds it, but pointedly looks at Seijuro. ]
The whole world isn't positive feelings, Seijuro, and people who think the positive the only ones that are important to experience are idiots.
[ She's going through and slamming the door right after that. But she needs to go. Because she's angry, and the last thing she wants is either of them to be scared of her because she breaks the table or does something instinctively. ]
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Hey, hold on a—
[ Yet the situation devolves pretty quickly and at the end of Emerald's outburst she's out the door and Mayuzumi's left holding the (tossed) bag.
He lets out an audible exhale. Damn it, these two can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. Not that he entirely blames Emerald for getting angry and having to leave to cool off when Akashi's overreacted and tried to shut down their discussion, but this problem's also just ended up dumped entirely in Mayuzumi's lap to deal with on his own.
Which means even if it's a major hassle and he's half-tempted to boot the guy out for being difficult, he doesn't have much choice other than to swallow his own frustration down some and step up to deal with the situation. He also doesn't want to let Akashi be alone when the guy's in this kind of fragile frame of mind anyway, and so he moves to take Akashi's hand. ]
Don't think I'm gonna just let you run off by yourself too when you're upset and saying stuff like that.
[ His voice softens. ]
...I told you I'd never leave you, didn't I? That means there's no way I'm letting you go now.
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I was honest. I said how I felt. I didn't do anything wrong.
[ He already feels bad, and Emerald walking out on him because he said what was bothering him makes him feel even worse. What's happening isn't really boosting his confidence here...
This time, he doesn't even ask Mayuzumi for advice on what to do. He's ready to leave. All he has to do is get his bag. But he waits, in case Mayuzumi has something to say.
As for Emerald, the two of them can talk about what happened later. Akashi legitimately doesn't think he's done or said anything wrong, so he'll wait some time until he thinks Emerald has cooled off before he talks to her again. He'd apologise either way, because he doesn't want her getting mad at him. That just opens up the prospect of her leaving. ]
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[ Akashi's stubborn, but so is Mayuzumi. If holding hands isn't enough to keep the guy from leaving, then he'll wrap his arms around Akashi's shoulders from behind and hug him. ]
But shutting us out and running away whenever things get rough doesn't fix anything. That's what we're really upset about, not your past. Sometimes you have to put up with feeling uncomfortable for a little while to work things out.
[ He gives a gentle squeeze, burying his face against Akashi's shoulder. ]
What the hell kind of ridiculous idea is erasing memories, anyway? Why do you always want to overdo everything?
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[ Mayuzumi, this is the kid who said he'd gouge his eyes out if his team lost. He also said he'd kill his parents if they got in the way of his victory. He's also the same person who carries the weight of the world on his shoulders with hardly any time for a break. He may have changed, he may have found himself, but in many other ways, he's still broken. This is the only way he knows how to deal with hardships that come his way. ]
It may sound ridiculous and it may sound idiotic, but if it's for everyone's peace of mind, then it's worth considering.
[ Akashi's posture is stiff, and his shaky voice is betraying his words. It's not like he wants to do this, but it would probably be better than having to be reminded of his past and how the people he cares about most aren't a fan of it. ]
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[ Mayuzumi's voice grows sharper, even though he's still holding on tight. What Akashi's really doing right now just isn't acceptable at all, and a throwback to the guy's behavior back before Mayuzumi graduated.
He sure as hell hasn't forgotten incidents like that eye gouging threat; sure it worked to get the Uncrowned Kings in line that time enough to win that game, but it was still a messed up thing to do then, and Akashi pulling anything remotely like that with his boyfriend and girlfriend isn't something Mayuzumi can just let slide. ]
...You know, I really thought you'd gotten over doing this kind of thing. Waving threats to hurt yourself over people's heads to get them to knuckle under.
[ Because that's exactly what Akashi messing with his own brain would be! How can the guy think doing something like that would make Mayuzumi or Emerald feel any better? ]
You got away with it at Rakuzan, but don't think you can twist my arm with this kind of stunt now.
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[ His heartbeat's gone quicker, a little difficult to control, and even moreso when he knows he has to face this issue head on. Mayuzumi's not exactly offering any means of escape here, literally and metaphorically. ]
I would do it if you asked me to. If Emerald asked me to. It's not a means of gaining control.
We had an argument because I saw memories of her dancing with Mercury once. She also happened to see a memory of mine - when I had been bitten by a vampire in Empatheias and I went to Hinasaki's to make sure she was safe. We both got jealous, and I said that I would forget about Hinasaki if it would make her happy.
Emerald said she didn't want to lose a part of me, but she doesn't like that part of me. You don't like it either. How can I make you both happy knowing this? I was merely asking to not talk about it anymore, because it doesn't need to be said. Because it's a part of me that I've moved on from, and I have no intention of going back to it. So please...
[ Then, he pauses, because the hard part is... bargaining. He'd been making demands this whole time, his requests sounding as bossy as he normally is. He's at his wit's end now, though. He's not really sure what to do, but he's... trying, in his own way. ]
I'm only asking to not talk about her anymore. I only ask that you don't think about her anymore, because there is nothing to worry about in the first place. I only ask that you respect my requests.
And... I will forget about her, if that's what you want.
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But whatever, we all got the idea about that by now.
[ And he feels like they're talking in circles about it. He would've dropped the subject by now if Akashi hadn't seemed bothered before; he couldn't just let the guy be upset without trying to find out what the problem was. ]
What you really need to understand is that I don't want you to forget and neither does Em. How many times are we gonna have to say it?
[ He tries to figure out how to say it in a way that Akashi will understand. ]
Look...things are still kind of complicated between you and me. You can really get on my nerves sometimes, and some of our memories together aren't the best, either.
But even with all of that, I still fell for the person you are. You wouldn't be the same person without those memories.
I'll always find reasons to get jealous sometimes, because I want to keep you all to myself. But it's not something you can just fix by cutting away parts of yourself. Sometimes it really is all on me and I need to just get over it on my own, but sometimes we gotta talk to work things out, even if it's not a fun conversation.
...The only one who thinks you need to be perfect all the time is you.
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He places his hands over Mayuzumi's. They stay there for a few seconds before he gives up and puts his hands back down. ]
I get it now. You can let go, Mayuzumi-san.
[ Now it's his turn to sigh. He's tired, but it's his own doing. He's a little too stressed out to want to do anything else now. Whether or not Mayuzumi lets go of him though, he turns around to look at the older boy.
There's hint of remorse in his eyes, but it's mostly loneliness that shows in his gaze. ]
You have to promise that—that even if I'm all the things you said and that I make mistakes—that you won't leave. You'll still love me despite it all.
[ He looks away after saying that. It's said so innocently, because all he really wants is to be accepted. Akashi needs a lot of practice in being okay with being imperfect, and he'll never be okay with it unless he gets that constant reassurance that everything will still work out. It may have been months since he last saw his father, but it doesn't mean his words don't sting even up to now. ]
You have to promise. Because I don't know what I would do if you or Emerald left.
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The look Akashi gives him makes pulling away the last thing he wants to do, and it's even more unthinkable after what Akashi asks of him. The guy can be a real handful to deal with sometimes, but Mayuzumi really does still love him regardless. ]
Yeah, I promise. I'll say it however many times as you need to hear it.
[ He takes a step closer, one of his hands cupping Akashi's cheek. ]
I'll never leave you.
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Mayuzumi-san, I won't go now, but I'd like to rest.
[ Lay down, he means. He'll wait for Emerald to come back. Though he's not really sure what he would say once she's back... He'll need some quiet time for that. ]
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He might push back with Akashi when it really counts, but he's also pretty weak to the guy, too. How else could Akashi even get Mayuzumi (and Emerald, too) to consider this moonlacing with other people idea as something remotely acceptable to go along with?
He isn't exactly going to be rushing out to do anything with anyone else, but he's accepted the practicality of what Akashi's proposing. Definitely if it ever actually happens he's going to be very keen on making sure that it's overwritten by one or both of them.
But right now he's done arguing... ]
All right.
[ He lets go, but stays close. ]
Go ahead and rest. We can smooth things over with Em when she gets back.
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Thank you. I just—
[ He wants to be by himself for a moment. He wants to think, to mull over what happened, and brood over how he's always arguing with both of them and how they'll probably grow tired of him eventually. Mayuzumi said he'd never leave... but Akashi also needs to do better to make sure they never entertain the idea of it. ]
Nevermind.
[ He'll rest in Mayuzumi and Emerald's room, taking Mayuzumi's side so he can lay down and stare at the ceiling. Though he'll unintentionally fall asleep if he's left alone for more than ten minutes. ]