[ Emerald leans over at that comment and presses a kiss to his cheek. ]
There's my deposit.
[ She knows that's probably silly, but she can't help it. He's sitting here with her, preparing for the worst on the first day they're back, and Emerald can't help but think about why she wants him to know so badly.
It's because being back there for months, arriving here and being separated from them for days after that... she can't help but want to make sure she's never separated from him again. ]
Watts is a creep, but I've never actually seen him fight so I don't know how dangerous he really is. He's intelligent though.
[ She displays this guy for a moment, then takes a deep breath. She's notably steeling herself slightly because Tyrian flat-out unnerves her.
Watts disappears and a man with a prosthetic Scorpion tail appears. Unlike the previous ones, this image of Tyrian jumps on the coffee table and puts his face mere inches from theirs, a wild grin as if he's seen something unhingingly funny. He's definitely got no respect for Emerald's personal space, so she figures it's better to.. alert Mayuzumi ahead of time. ]
Then there's Tyrian who... will kill you for fun. Unless he finds out that you know me, then he'll kidnap you, torture you, kill you in front of me, then kill me because I betrayed Salem. And despite that I've threatened to land him with more prosthetics than just his tail..
[ Sorry Mayuzumi, Emerald's.. got a real penchant for theatrics, even when she's not trying to terrify someone, but Tyrian starts laughing as he swings around and steps off of the table, then disappears just before his feet would've hit the ground. ]
I don't think I can win on my own. So he can't know that you know me. I'd prefer if he didn't even know I was here at all.
[ Even if it's an illusion, Mayuzumi instinctively shrinks back into his seat when 'Tyrian' leaps up onto the table and looms over them. The laugh isn't any better, its mania twisting up his stomach and pulling a bit of the color out of his face.
...But even so, he isn't going to balk and abandon her now when emotionally he's in way too deep. A few short days was all it too for him to start to fall apart without her; he doesn't even know where he'd be now if he and Akashi hadn't been able to lean on each other to cope. He can't let her go again now that she's here, no matter what.
He swallows, still a bit rattled, but he needs to push through that for her sake if nothing else. ]
...How did you even manage to deal with lunatics like this guy?
[ It's hard to even come up with the right word for it. It's not necessarily that the ranking "hierarchy" of sorts that's going on really helps them. Honestly, she's not really sure why Tyrian's got a seat at the table to begin with except that he's a fanatical worshipper.. but everyone else she understands more. Watts is a jackass, but he's intelligent and has connections and a way about him that makes it easy for him to snake his way into higher society places. Hazel is calm, steady, and won't start fights-- he only fights if someone brings the fight to him and he has no other choice. He's merciful, and will always give the other an opportunity to avoid being hurt while not letting anything stand in his way. Tyrian is an excellent assassin and so scared of disappointing Salem, but that's... not a unique trait, she doesn't think. She kind of thinks he's more like a pet than anything else. (And Cinder of course is amazing, but her thoughts on her are far too extensive to go into right now, and far too complicated right now for her to really know what's true and what isn't.) ]
We're Cinder's disciples, so while she was around, she would deal with him while we... didn't have to. Now that she's gone, I'm not really sure how. He skulks around and eavesdrops on our conversations... he overheard Merc and I fighting about what we were doing there and why... and told us we shouldn't be there if we didn't really enjoy it.
[ She sinks into the seat, her eyes still on Mayuzumi. ]
But that if we tried to leave, he'd get to kill us. He wanted us to. He's still not the one I'm most scared of. Let me know when you're ready.
[ ..Because recovering from Tyrian is a thing. But Salem is another. ]
[ Pretty terrifying, honestly. Having a guy like this be aware of Emerald having second thoughts just makes the situation for them all that much more potentially dangerous, and makes it even more vital that Mayuzumi doesn't do something stupid if Tyrian ever does show up in Lunatia out of some misguided sense of stubborn manly pride.
It also makes him worry even more over Akashi and Kuroko finding out about this, exactly because Akashi's already almost thrown his life away once on something idiotic like that. He hopes the guy really did learn his lesson from all that, but...
But they should deal with one problem at a time. He shakes his head to shake off his discomfort and steel himself for the rest. ]
Nevermind, I get it. I'll stay the hell out of the way of these guys.
[ He gives Emerald's hand another gentle squeeze. ]
She's going to look really weird, and you might not be able to place what it is. I still.. haven't figured it out, completely. I don't know what she is, but she's... she can control Grimm. She can create them. She's unkillable, and she has magic. Tyrian calls her a "goddess," and I think she genuinely believes it. She... she's had me use my abilities to train Cinder to torture a fifteen year old girl. She's the person who ordered everything we've done. She's unhinged, and terrifying, and impossible to fight...
[ She says it first, perhaps for herself more than for Mayuzumi. She's never been able to say what she thinks of Salem outloud. The closest time was the illusion she used at Haven on nine people at once, just the most terrifying thing she could think of last minute in the middle of an emotional breakdown-slash-panic attack as a last-minute attempt to save herself and Mercury and Hazel because she was the only one who could. ]
She makes sure to remind all of us that she's the only path any of them have to what they want, but I don't... she has nothing for me. She won't let me go to Cinder. She made me blame her for everything. She's the reason Cinder lost parts of herself.
[ The more she talks, the angry she seems to get, and at the same time fearful. It's a very, very mixed emotion. But once she stops talking, she takes a deep breath and focuses on creating the illusion. A woman with white hair, black veins, red eyes with black sclera, black nails, and a commanding presence. Perhaps the illusion is a little taller than reality, a little more terrifying. Rather than wild and unhinged like Tyrian, she approaches slowly. Her movements are careful, graceful, but creepily fluid. Then her eyes grow wider, angrier, and then suddenly the entire room looks like it's billowing with air and every window in Mayuzumi's apartment shatters as she screams--
--and then it stops. And everything's back to normal. Emerald stopped. Salem terrifies her, and what Mayuzumi sees is reminiscent of a recent memory for her. ]
[ Mayuzumi listens quietly to Emerald's description without interrupting; again there's a sick feeling in his stomach, not just from the kind of person Salem sounds like but from Emerald's obvious feelings about her.
Once he witnesses the illusion, it's obvious to him why Emerald left this until last; he may have met a number of people who he wouldn't describe as human in Verens and even here, but it doesn't prepare him for how unsettling Salem appears, for how overwhelming her presence is, for how his heart ends up racing in a primal kind of terror or the cold sweat he breaks out in. Even moreso than Tyrian, instinct tells him there's no way he could survive ever encountering this woman and making the mistake of drawing her attention to him. A rabbit would have a better chance versus a lion than this.
It takes him a moment to realize just how tight his grip on Emerald's hand has become once the illusion ends, and he immediately slacks off, glancing off to the side. While he may not be stupid enough to endanger himself to try and compensate for it, his pride's taken a solid hit today thanks to getting visibly afraid. What's even worse is that she's obviously scared, and there isn't much of anything he can do to eliminate those fears for her; the best he can manage is to avoid making a target of himself or Akashi or even Kuroko and keep from giving away the shift in her loyalties. Sure, he wouldn't say he's a particularly old-fashioned guy or anything like that, but the desire to be someone reliable who can protect the people he cares about is still there. Isn't that a natural feeling to have after falling for someone? Wanting to ease their worries, not add to them?
Which he probably is now anyway from his reaction to what she's shown him; he rubs a hand over his face, trying to get a better hold of himself. ]
You don't have to apologize. If I want to be with you, then I need to know what you're dealing with.
[ I'm the one who should be sorry here.
He shifts so he can wrap his arms around her and pull her closer; she seems like she probably needs a hug right now as much as he does.
His voice grows softer. ]
And...I still want to. I said it before, remember?
[ While Mayuzumi's grip loosens once he realizes he's doing it, Emerald holds on tightly. She knows it's all in her head right now, but it's also been a constant state of existence to be terrorized by Salem. Salem has to use fear with Emerald, because there's nothing Salem can offer her without Cinder present. Cinder is the one who has what Emerald wants-- family. ("You're in denial." echoes in her head, made.. more believable here where she has people who genuinely care for her and are much better at showing it than Mercury is. --No. Cinder cares for her. She's sure of it.) Salem had told them all she was the only path to what they wanted, and that wasn't true for Emerald or Mercury. Mercury was still convinced that there wasn't anything else for him. But for Salem to keep Emerald under control, Emerald needed to be scared. She was. How long that would keep her under control was the real question, since Emerald was still the only one who dared to watch that meltdown that echoed in her memory, the windows appearing to shatter in Mayuzumi's apartment now because that fear is so deeply embedded in her-- and yet, she didn't avert her gaze even being ushered out of the room. And yet, that was before she spoke to Mercury. Emerald's trying to figure out who she is without Cinder still, and she's finding that she can make her own decisions even in the face of terror.
But here, with Mayuzumi, she has someone to hold onto. She has someone to protect, and that makes it all the more important to make certain that she stands up. That she warns him, protects him, and holds onto him when she's scared even if it's just a seemingly distant memory now. He's here, supporting her, saying that despite seeing all this even if he's just being warned he still wants her and he's not letting go. Emerald buries her face against his chest in the hug and moves her arm to wrap around his waist too. ]
I know. That's why I had to show you. Not knowing the truth just makes you more vulnerable, and I want to protect you and Sei more than anything. I love--
[ She hesitates, because before she didn't want to say it because it was too soon. It would scare him away. Her voice quiets down a little, but firms at the same time as she holds onto him tightly. ]
I love you, Chihiro. I'm not going to lose you. I know it's soon, but I thought.. when I woke up here, I thought I lost you and Sei and that was the worst thing I've ever felt. I'm saying it now whether you're ready or not.Â
[ Mayuzumi's hand rises to cradle the back of Emerald's head and stroke her hair, but the soothing motion pauses when she makes her declaration. ]
...Em, I...
[ He doesn't know how to respond for a moment, but starts speaking quietly again, his head bowed and his face nestled against her hair. ]
...I was falling apart without you. I couldn't handle it. If Akashi hadn't been here, I don't know how I would've...
[ It was like a terrible, empty chasm had cracked open inside of him, a void that had never been present before even when he'd spent most of the rest of his life unnoticed. But now that she's here and in his arms, he feels alive again and doesn't want to ever let her go.
Yet...he knows he's also endangering himself by being with her; if the wrong people show up in this city he really could end up getting killed if they find out he's connected to her.
Just what kind of feeling can make him willing to risk his life just to keep her close to him? What makes a self-centered guy like him respond to that threat not by running away, but by getting frustrated that he can't do more to protect her? How can someone like him want to do anything he can to make her happy regardless of how much of a hassle it might be to him, and why does he twist up inside and become desperate to ease her suffering when she's upset and afraid instead of trying to escape such an uncomfortable situation? Him, the guy who turned his back on his old teammates and walked away without a second thought the moment he didn't need to deal with them anymore.
He already knows the answer to that; it's a constant in the pages of the fiction he's wrapped himself up in over the years, a cliche that's too obvious to go unrecognized when he sees the signs in himself. ]
You're right, I'm not ready. I don't even know how to be ready for something like this.
[ But he can't pretend he doesn't feel the way he does; he'd just be lying to himself along with her if he tried.
He expels an uneven breath, grateful that he can hide just how flushed his face is as long as she's cuddled up to his chest. ]
But...I do love you, Em. Even if I can't say it tomorrow, I really...love you.
[ He clings to her tightly. Maybe he'll be embarrassed later about letting himself get swept away in a very vulnerable moment, because he really isn't ready to speak freely from the heart like this all the time. But he also knows his feelings won't change even if his ability to articulate them when life returns to normal for them probably will.
And if she loves him even when knowing full well the kind of guy he is, then...maybe it'll be okay. ]
...Just...don't tell Akashi. He'll probably get worked up about it.
[ Saying it to her after months of dating and in the middle of an emotional moment is hard enough; he's still trying to get acclimated to the idea that he and Akashi have this kind of relationship now too, and he's worried the guy might get jealous and expect it of him too soon. Saying it to Akashi right now is just beyond his limit and he doesn't need that pressure hanging over his head when they've only just gotten together. ]
[ If Akashi hadn't been there huh? She's not sure what it is between them, but she can tell it's something special. It had to be to begin with for two people as possessive as the two of them to agree to share Emerald. She wonders if they really realize how special they must be to each other briefly, since she doesn't expect him to say it back. She knows- it's not like they've known each other forever or they've been dating for a long while. She knows that she can be a little intense, and that she's needed reminding of her place before simply for wanting to keep things to herself and not listening.
She doesn't think Mayuzumi would ever hurt her like Cinder would if she stepped out of line but she also expects to be told that she's stepping out of it, so she simply lets herself focus on other expectations. He needed Akashi because she wasn't there. That's sad, but it makes her happy. She wants to be needed so much that someone falls apart without her. She wants him to care for her that much, even if it hurts him to do so. Even if it hurts her to know that he was hurt, it makes her happy. That's messed up, probably. He says he's not ready, which she expects. It's hard to be disappointed when your expectations can't be high.
Which is probably why when he says it anyway, she can't help but open her eyes wide as she holds onto him just as tightly back. A little trickle of tears makes its way out of the corner of her red eyes, now glistening a deep garnet for a moment before she buries her face completely against his chest. Whatever shirt he's wearing is definitely going to get wet. She's not going to apologize for it. She's holding onto him tight enough that it probably hurts, even if it's in affection and neediness and adoration. She doesn't want to let go of him.
Though then he says that don't tell Akashi line and she lets out a tearful little puff of laughter. ]
He's said it too, you know. I love you both. I have no idea how you're not weird about this.
[ Mayuzumi doesn't mind if Emerald's clinging to him too tightly. If it hurts, it just makes it all the more clear she really is here with him and this isn't some kind of dream. If he bruises, then it means he'll have a reminder of how much she needs to be close to him on his skin for a few days. He'd rather endure any discomfort than push her away when he can feel his shirt get damp from her tears. Instead, he presses soft kisses to the top of her head.
What she says makes his posture stiffen up a bit, though, his tone shifting from intimate to something a bit more awkward. ]
...Ah, no, that's...not it. I meant he might get...uh, expectations if he knew.
[ He hesitates, trying to figure out how to explain it because it's something important for her to know too. ]
Maybe he didn't tell you then, but...you know how you told me that me and him needed to figure things out?
When I found him here a couple days ago, he, uh...confessed to me and we kissed and he slept over. It's like that between us now too, so I guess we...figured things out.
[ Ah... Emerald's grip loosens a little at that. It's not rejection and she doesn't let go or anything. It's a little confusing to hear that, and a little confusing still that Akashi didn't tell her. But she also knows that she can be a little jealous, and that everything's been completely overwhelming since they got here. Akashi is terrified of losing her, too, so he probably, undoubtedly, just wanted to make sure that she knew that he was there and that he knew she was there.
It helps that she kind of.. already suspected. There was no way they would've been okay with sharing her if they didn't have some kind of bond far beyond what normal friends might. Even normal partners. Emerald has a relationship with Mercury that she flat-out wouldn't ditch him in a situation that could get her killed and he told her to leave him out of. And yet, she gets into petty fights that involve shoving her way between him and Cinder because she wants to be closest. Partners don't have to share everything, and it's not a natural feeling to want to do so. Their willingness to do it to begin with had at least given her the idea that they might be a little bit gay for each other-- one of the reasons she'd brought up the idea of doing things together rather than keeping them strictly separate.
There's still a feeling deep inside of her that isn't at all Mayuzumi's fault, or Akashi's. It's just an understanding of reality made painfully, obviously clear by the last few days. Without her, Akashi and Mayuzumi have each other. They will always have each other whether she's involved or not. She isn't necessary for them to be happy and it barely took any time at all for them to realize that with her seemingly out of the picture. If they don't find a way for her to make it to Japan and stay there, they'll still have each other. She is always going to be the one left behind when it comes down to it, even if they both love her. That's not their fault or hers, but it still hurts on some selfish level to know that they'll be okay without her. She immediately started getting back into bad behavior without them- it was just mischief, nothing illegal, but she knows that it was potentially destructive. She knows that if they hadn't shown up, she would've backslid one way or the other.
There's nothing that could make her push either of them away though, even knowing that. When she says she loves them, she means it. And somehow, that jealousy that she feels is more about being pushed out than it is them being together. Akashi spent all night with her, Mayuzumi is going to spend all night with her now. They still want her here. It's fine. It'll be fine. This is going to work one way or the other. She shifts slightly, only so she can turn her head sideways to rest against his shoulder, happy to just be against him rather than latch on now. ]
Obviously. I don't even like it when Mercury tries to stand between me and Cinder. Sharing a girlfriend is not a normal partner thing. Just don't.. don't leave me.
...Yeah, I can't say you weren't right about us all along, even if I'm still getting used to the idea.
[ It really is a major adjustment for Mayuzumi to think of the guy who'd been a massive pain in the ass in high school as someone he wants to keep by his side, but it was an adjustment to even admit Akashi was someone important to him as a friend, and another one after that to find out they both loved the same girl and really could handle seeing each other be close to her. He feels sometimes like he's stumbling around in the dark when it comes to navigating all shifts in how he and Akashi relate to one another; but just like with Emerald, Mayuzumi can't pretend his feelings aren't there anymore, even if being as straightforward about it with Akashi as he was with her just now is something that he isn't equipped to manage this soon.
What matters most to him right now is reassuring her, though, because he feels an ache inside when she says not to leave her. ]
Listen, I know whoever or whatever it was that had me end up on Empatheias and then here could send me anywhere whether I want to go or not, but I'll say this much.
[ He takes a deep, quiet breath. ]
If I ever have a choice about it...I won't go back without you, Em. Anywhere that I can't be with you is somewhere I don't want to be.
[ He realizes there's some pretty deep potential implications to what he's saying, but it's the truth. He loves her, so he'd rather be stuck here for the foreseeable future or even return to Empatheias together rather than go back to living in a world without her in it. ]
And I think that guy feels the same way. We were both torn up inside without you. We agreed to figure out a way to keep you with us no matter what.
[ That definitely makes her feel better. It isn't as if she felt low about this news, but somehow she does feel a little lighter knowing that even though they got together, it wasn't without forgetting her. It wasn't without the decision that it would be impossible to get her back, so they should just move on. They would keep trying even if they hadn't a leg to stand on.
It's heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. On the one hand, she would want them to be happy even if it couldn't be with her. The idea that they would figure it out no matter what, even if it was impossible, would be tragic. And yet at he same time, she would never want them to stop looking. She never wants either of them to stop loving her, to stop wanting her there.
Emerald holds onto him a little tighter again, though not as much as before, and tilts her head back so that sh can see his face. ]
In that case, I'm staying right here for the rest of the night so you can't possibly lose track of me.
[ She knows she's being silly, but there's nothing else she can really say to that. There's nothing she can do if she loses either of them besides hope and cry. She's not smart, she's not independent as much as Akashi tries to push her to be even if she's made progress and feels like she can stand on her own more now than she once did, and her fate in her world is either as an international criminal on the run or dead because Salem's new world order seems pretty much like some kind of fresh hell if you ask her. If she gets separated from them, she doesn't think there's going to be anything she can do about it but hope they find her, as pathetic as that sounds. So it's best to just make the light-hearted comment, then after a few seconds she adds. ]
I promise not to leave your side as long as I have a say.
[ Mayuzumi feels a deep and satisfying warmth inside of him to hear a sentiment like that; it wasn't that long ago that he couldn't have imagined having not just one but two people become vital parts of his life. He appreciates it all the more now that he's experienced what it felt like to lose them, even if it turned out to be a temporary thing; he doesn't want to go back to being alone, and even more than that, he doesn't want Emerald to end up that way after the rough life she's led.
There's always the risk they'll lose each other again, whether it's due to being separated by cosmic forces they can't control or if Emerald's fears about her former allies and the worst case scenario happens. He hasn't lost sight of reality, even while he's chasing after a dream like finding a way to bring her back home with him that could well be impossible.
But he's been dealing with circumstances that he would've thought could only ever happen in fiction for the better part of a year now; maybe he really shouldn't rule anything out despite his usual negativity. If he and Emerald both can end up on entirely different worlds than the ones they came from, who says that someone from a different world like her can't end up traveling to his?
For now though, they're here in this place together until they find that path towards a happy end for their shared isekai adventure...and maybe that won't be so bad; in some ways Lunatia even feels closer to being back in Japan. As long as Emerald and Akashi are with him, Mayuzumi can deal with whatever strange magic or tough situations come his way.
And a cozy apartment where he can have the people he cares about cuddled up with him like this sure feels more like home than that empty little flat near his university in Tokyo...
What more profound reply can he make to her? He's already spoken deeply from the heart, and they've just exchanged a promise to never leave each other. They're in pretty heavy territory right now, just like when he'd promised Akashi he'd never leave him, so he's grateful she said something more light-hearted along with it that he can respond to instead to ease the mood back into something less intense.
He gives her forehead a soft kiss, and a similar kind of smile to go with it. ]
I really am gonna have to start charging you rent then, it sounds like.
...And a maybe finder's fee, too, even if I'm the one who needs you keeping track of me.
[ He knows exactly what he's promised, but like saying he loves her out loud, he isn't entirely ready to think about what all this means for them in the long-term and take proper responsibility for the future that's implied. He's the kind of independent person who naturally wants to do things at his own pace and focus on living in the present, day by day, and so being with and making the girl in his arms happy right now and knowing she'll still be here in the morning is enough to satisfy him. ]
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no subject
There's my deposit.
[ She knows that's probably silly, but she can't help it. He's sitting here with her, preparing for the worst on the first day they're back, and Emerald can't help but think about why she wants him to know so badly.
It's because being back there for months, arriving here and being separated from them for days after that... she can't help but want to make sure she's never separated from him again. ]
Watts is a creep, but I've never actually seen him fight so I don't know how dangerous he really is. He's intelligent though.
[ She displays this guy for a moment, then takes a deep breath. She's notably steeling herself slightly because Tyrian flat-out unnerves her.
Watts disappears and a man with a prosthetic Scorpion tail appears. Unlike the previous ones, this image of Tyrian jumps on the coffee table and puts his face mere inches from theirs, a wild grin as if he's seen something unhingingly funny. He's definitely got no respect for Emerald's personal space, so she figures it's better to.. alert Mayuzumi ahead of time. ]
Then there's Tyrian who... will kill you for fun. Unless he finds out that you know me, then he'll kidnap you, torture you, kill you in front of me, then kill me because I betrayed Salem. And despite that I've threatened to land him with more prosthetics than just his tail..
[ Sorry Mayuzumi, Emerald's.. got a real penchant for theatrics, even when she's not trying to terrify someone, but Tyrian starts laughing as he swings around and steps off of the table, then disappears just before his feet would've hit the ground. ]
I don't think I can win on my own. So he can't know that you know me. I'd prefer if he didn't even know I was here at all.
no subject
He understood in the abstract that she's done terrible things and associated with awful people, but in some ways it's felt like something that ultimately had nothing to do with him and didn't really touch their lives together in Empatheias to any significant degree. It's sinking in that this isn't the case and probably never has been, and it's only been his own naïveté and ignorance making it feel that way. He's probably been way too glib about assuring her he's fine dealing with all of this when he hadn't fully grasped the risks. As much as he might play at imagining it, he's no heroic protagonist type; he's just a regular guy whose biggest life challenges not that long ago were basketball and university entrance exams. He can't defend her or even himself from someone dangerous; even Akashi getting injured months ago didn't prepare him entirely for something like this. All three of them and anyone else that matters to her really could end up dying.
...But even so, he isn't going to balk and abandon her now when emotionally he's in way too deep. A few short days was all it too for him to start to fall apart without her; he doesn't even know where he'd be now if he and Akashi hadn't been able to lean on each other to cope. He can't let her go again now that she's here, no matter what.
He swallows, still a bit rattled, but he needs to push through that for her sake if nothing else. ]
...How did you even manage to deal with lunatics like this guy?
no subject
[ It's hard to even come up with the right word for it. It's not necessarily that the ranking "hierarchy" of sorts that's going on really helps them. Honestly, she's not really sure why Tyrian's got a seat at the table to begin with except that he's a fanatical worshipper.. but everyone else she understands more. Watts is a jackass, but he's intelligent and has connections and a way about him that makes it easy for him to snake his way into higher society places. Hazel is calm, steady, and won't start fights-- he only fights if someone brings the fight to him and he has no other choice. He's merciful, and will always give the other an opportunity to avoid being hurt while not letting anything stand in his way. Tyrian is an excellent assassin and so scared of disappointing Salem, but that's... not a unique trait, she doesn't think. She kind of thinks he's more like a pet than anything else. (And Cinder of course is amazing, but her thoughts on her are far too extensive to go into right now, and far too complicated right now for her to really know what's true and what isn't.) ]
We're Cinder's disciples, so while she was around, she would deal with him while we... didn't have to. Now that she's gone, I'm not really sure how. He skulks around and eavesdrops on our conversations... he overheard Merc and I fighting about what we were doing there and why... and told us we shouldn't be there if we didn't really enjoy it.
[ She sinks into the seat, her eyes still on Mayuzumi. ]
But that if we tried to leave, he'd get to kill us. He wanted us to. He's still not the one I'm most scared of. Let me know when you're ready.
[ ..Because recovering from Tyrian is a thing. But Salem is another. ]
no subject
[ Pretty terrifying, honestly. Having a guy like this be aware of Emerald having second thoughts just makes the situation for them all that much more potentially dangerous, and makes it even more vital that Mayuzumi doesn't do something stupid if Tyrian ever does show up in Lunatia out of some misguided sense of stubborn manly pride.
It also makes him worry even more over Akashi and Kuroko finding out about this, exactly because Akashi's already almost thrown his life away once on something idiotic like that. He hopes the guy really did learn his lesson from all that, but...
But they should deal with one problem at a time. He shakes his head to shake off his discomfort and steel himself for the rest. ]
Nevermind, I get it. I'll stay the hell out of the way of these guys.
[ He gives Emerald's hand another gentle squeeze. ]
I'm fine. Let's get it over with.
[ For her sake too, not just his. ]
no subject
[ She says it first, perhaps for herself more than for Mayuzumi. She's never been able to say what she thinks of Salem outloud. The closest time was the illusion she used at Haven on nine people at once, just the most terrifying thing she could think of last minute in the middle of an emotional breakdown-slash-panic attack as a last-minute attempt to save herself and Mercury and Hazel because she was the only one who could. ]
She makes sure to remind all of us that she's the only path any of them have to what they want, but I don't... she has nothing for me. She won't let me go to Cinder. She made me blame her for everything. She's the reason Cinder lost parts of herself.
[ The more she talks, the angry she seems to get, and at the same time fearful. It's a very, very mixed emotion. But once she stops talking, she takes a deep breath and focuses on creating the illusion. A woman with white hair, black veins, red eyes with black sclera, black nails, and a commanding presence. Perhaps the illusion is a little taller than reality, a little more terrifying. Rather than wild and unhinged like Tyrian, she approaches slowly. Her movements are careful, graceful, but creepily fluid. Then her eyes grow wider, angrier, and then suddenly the entire room looks like it's billowing with air and every window in Mayuzumi's apartment shatters as she screams--
--and then it stops. And everything's back to normal. Emerald stopped. Salem terrifies her, and what Mayuzumi sees is reminiscent of a recent memory for her. ]
Sorry.
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Once he witnesses the illusion, it's obvious to him why Emerald left this until last; he may have met a number of people who he wouldn't describe as human in Verens and even here, but it doesn't prepare him for how unsettling Salem appears, for how overwhelming her presence is, for how his heart ends up racing in a primal kind of terror or the cold sweat he breaks out in. Even moreso than Tyrian, instinct tells him there's no way he could survive ever encountering this woman and making the mistake of drawing her attention to him. A rabbit would have a better chance versus a lion than this.
It takes him a moment to realize just how tight his grip on Emerald's hand has become once the illusion ends, and he immediately slacks off, glancing off to the side. While he may not be stupid enough to endanger himself to try and compensate for it, his pride's taken a solid hit today thanks to getting visibly afraid. What's even worse is that she's obviously scared, and there isn't much of anything he can do to eliminate those fears for her; the best he can manage is to avoid making a target of himself or Akashi or even Kuroko and keep from giving away the shift in her loyalties. Sure, he wouldn't say he's a particularly old-fashioned guy or anything like that, but the desire to be someone reliable who can protect the people he cares about is still there. Isn't that a natural feeling to have after falling for someone? Wanting to ease their worries, not add to them?
Which he probably is now anyway from his reaction to what she's shown him; he rubs a hand over his face, trying to get a better hold of himself. ]
You don't have to apologize. If I want to be with you, then I need to know what you're dealing with.
[ I'm the one who should be sorry here.
He shifts so he can wrap his arms around her and pull her closer; she seems like she probably needs a hug right now as much as he does.
His voice grows softer. ]
And...I still want to. I said it before, remember?
I'm too selfish to just let you go.
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But here, with Mayuzumi, she has someone to hold onto. She has someone to protect, and that makes it all the more important to make certain that she stands up. That she warns him, protects him, and holds onto him when she's scared even if it's just a seemingly distant memory now. He's here, supporting her, saying that despite seeing all this even if he's just being warned he still wants her and he's not letting go.
Emerald buries her face against his chest in the hug and moves her arm to wrap around his waist too. ]
I know. That's why I had to show you. Not knowing the truth just makes you more vulnerable, and I want to protect you and Sei more than anything. I love--
[ She hesitates, because before she didn't want to say it because it was too soon. It would scare him away. Her voice quiets down a little, but firms at the same time as she holds onto him tightly. ]
I love you, Chihiro. I'm not going to lose you. I know it's soon, but I thought.. when I woke up here, I thought I lost you and Sei and that was the worst thing I've ever felt. I'm saying it now whether you're ready or not.Â
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...Em, I...
[ He doesn't know how to respond for a moment, but starts speaking quietly again, his head bowed and his face nestled against her hair. ]
...I was falling apart without you. I couldn't handle it. If Akashi hadn't been here, I don't know how I would've...
[ It was like a terrible, empty chasm had cracked open inside of him, a void that had never been present before even when he'd spent most of the rest of his life unnoticed. But now that she's here and in his arms, he feels alive again and doesn't want to ever let her go.
Yet...he knows he's also endangering himself by being with her; if the wrong people show up in this city he really could end up getting killed if they find out he's connected to her.
Just what kind of feeling can make him willing to risk his life just to keep her close to him? What makes a self-centered guy like him respond to that threat not by running away, but by getting frustrated that he can't do more to protect her? How can someone like him want to do anything he can to make her happy regardless of how much of a hassle it might be to him, and why does he twist up inside and become desperate to ease her suffering when she's upset and afraid instead of trying to escape such an uncomfortable situation? Him, the guy who turned his back on his old teammates and walked away without a second thought the moment he didn't need to deal with them anymore.
He already knows the answer to that; it's a constant in the pages of the fiction he's wrapped himself up in over the years, a cliche that's too obvious to go unrecognized when he sees the signs in himself. ]
You're right, I'm not ready. I don't even know how to be ready for something like this.
[ But he can't pretend he doesn't feel the way he does; he'd just be lying to himself along with her if he tried.
He expels an uneven breath, grateful that he can hide just how flushed his face is as long as she's cuddled up to his chest. ]
But...I do love you, Em. Even if I can't say it tomorrow, I really...love you.
[ He clings to her tightly. Maybe he'll be embarrassed later about letting himself get swept away in a very vulnerable moment, because he really isn't ready to speak freely from the heart like this all the time. But he also knows his feelings won't change even if his ability to articulate them when life returns to normal for them probably will.
And if she loves him even when knowing full well the kind of guy he is, then...maybe it'll be okay. ]
...Just...don't tell Akashi. He'll probably get worked up about it.
[ Saying it to her after months of dating and in the middle of an emotional moment is hard enough; he's still trying to get acclimated to the idea that he and Akashi have this kind of relationship now too, and he's worried the guy might get jealous and expect it of him too soon. Saying it to Akashi right now is just beyond his limit and he doesn't need that pressure hanging over his head when they've only just gotten together. ]
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She doesn't think Mayuzumi would ever hurt her like Cinder would if she stepped out of line but she also expects to be told that she's stepping out of it, so she simply lets herself focus on other expectations. He needed Akashi because she wasn't there. That's sad, but it makes her happy. She wants to be needed so much that someone falls apart without her. She wants him to care for her that much, even if it hurts him to do so. Even if it hurts her to know that he was hurt, it makes her happy. That's messed up, probably. He says he's not ready, which she expects. It's hard to be disappointed when your expectations can't be high.
Which is probably why when he says it anyway, she can't help but open her eyes wide as she holds onto him just as tightly back. A little trickle of tears makes its way out of the corner of her red eyes, now glistening a deep garnet for a moment before she buries her face completely against his chest. Whatever shirt he's wearing is definitely going to get wet. She's not going to apologize for it. She's holding onto him tight enough that it probably hurts, even if it's in affection and neediness and adoration. She doesn't want to let go of him.
Though then he says that don't tell Akashi line and she lets out a tearful little puff of laughter. ]
He's said it too, you know. I love you both. I have no idea how you're not weird about this.
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What she says makes his posture stiffen up a bit, though, his tone shifting from intimate to something a bit more awkward. ]
...Ah, no, that's...not it. I meant he might get...uh, expectations if he knew.
[ He hesitates, trying to figure out how to explain it because it's something important for her to know too. ]
Maybe he didn't tell you then, but...you know how you told me that me and him needed to figure things out?
When I found him here a couple days ago, he, uh...confessed to me and we kissed and he slept over. It's like that between us now too, so I guess we...figured things out.
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It helps that she kind of.. already suspected. There was no way they would've been okay with sharing her if they didn't have some kind of bond far beyond what normal friends might. Even normal partners. Emerald has a relationship with Mercury that she flat-out wouldn't ditch him in a situation that could get her killed and he told her to leave him out of. And yet, she gets into petty fights that involve shoving her way between him and Cinder because she wants to be closest. Partners don't have to share everything, and it's not a natural feeling to want to do so. Their willingness to do it to begin with had at least given her the idea that they might be a little bit gay for each other-- one of the reasons she'd brought up the idea of doing things together rather than keeping them strictly separate.
There's still a feeling deep inside of her that isn't at all Mayuzumi's fault, or Akashi's. It's just an understanding of reality made painfully, obviously clear by the last few days. Without her, Akashi and Mayuzumi have each other. They will always have each other whether she's involved or not. She isn't necessary for them to be happy and it barely took any time at all for them to realize that with her seemingly out of the picture. If they don't find a way for her to make it to Japan and stay there, they'll still have each other. She is always going to be the one left behind when it comes down to it, even if they both love her. That's not their fault or hers, but it still hurts on some selfish level to know that they'll be okay without her. She immediately started getting back into bad behavior without them- it was just mischief, nothing illegal, but she knows that it was potentially destructive. She knows that if they hadn't shown up, she would've backslid one way or the other.
There's nothing that could make her push either of them away though, even knowing that. When she says she loves them, she means it. And somehow, that jealousy that she feels is more about being pushed out than it is them being together. Akashi spent all night with her, Mayuzumi is going to spend all night with her now. They still want her here. It's fine. It'll be fine. This is going to work one way or the other. She shifts slightly, only so she can turn her head sideways to rest against his shoulder, happy to just be against him rather than latch on now. ]
Obviously. I don't even like it when Mercury tries to stand between me and Cinder. Sharing a girlfriend is not a normal partner thing. Just don't.. don't leave me.
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[ It really is a major adjustment for Mayuzumi to think of the guy who'd been a massive pain in the ass in high school as someone he wants to keep by his side, but it was an adjustment to even admit Akashi was someone important to him as a friend, and another one after that to find out they both loved the same girl and really could handle seeing each other be close to her. He feels sometimes like he's stumbling around in the dark when it comes to navigating all shifts in how he and Akashi relate to one another; but just like with Emerald, Mayuzumi can't pretend his feelings aren't there anymore, even if being as straightforward about it with Akashi as he was with her just now is something that he isn't equipped to manage this soon.
What matters most to him right now is reassuring her, though, because he feels an ache inside when she says not to leave her. ]
Listen, I know whoever or whatever it was that had me end up on Empatheias and then here could send me anywhere whether I want to go or not, but I'll say this much.
[ He takes a deep, quiet breath. ]
If I ever have a choice about it...I won't go back without you, Em. Anywhere that I can't be with you is somewhere I don't want to be.
[ He realizes there's some pretty deep potential implications to what he's saying, but it's the truth. He loves her, so he'd rather be stuck here for the foreseeable future or even return to Empatheias together rather than go back to living in a world without her in it. ]
And I think that guy feels the same way. We were both torn up inside without you. We agreed to figure out a way to keep you with us no matter what.
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It's heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. On the one hand, she would want them to be happy even if it couldn't be with her. The idea that they would figure it out no matter what, even if it was impossible, would be tragic. And yet at he same time, she would never want them to stop looking. She never wants either of them to stop loving her, to stop wanting her there.
Emerald holds onto him a little tighter again, though not as much as before, and tilts her head back so that sh can see his face. ]
In that case, I'm staying right here for the rest of the night so you can't possibly lose track of me.
[ She knows she's being silly, but there's nothing else she can really say to that. There's nothing she can do if she loses either of them besides hope and cry. She's not smart, she's not independent as much as Akashi tries to push her to be even if she's made progress and feels like she can stand on her own more now than she once did, and her fate in her world is either as an international criminal on the run or dead because Salem's new world order seems pretty much like some kind of fresh hell if you ask her. If she gets separated from them, she doesn't think there's going to be anything she can do about it but hope they find her, as pathetic as that sounds. So it's best to just make the light-hearted comment, then after a few seconds she adds. ]
I promise not to leave your side as long as I have a say.
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There's always the risk they'll lose each other again, whether it's due to being separated by cosmic forces they can't control or if Emerald's fears about her former allies and the worst case scenario happens. He hasn't lost sight of reality, even while he's chasing after a dream like finding a way to bring her back home with him that could well be impossible.
But he's been dealing with circumstances that he would've thought could only ever happen in fiction for the better part of a year now; maybe he really shouldn't rule anything out despite his usual negativity. If he and Emerald both can end up on entirely different worlds than the ones they came from, who says that someone from a different world like her can't end up traveling to his?
For now though, they're here in this place together until they find that path towards a happy end for their shared isekai adventure...and maybe that won't be so bad; in some ways Lunatia even feels closer to being back in Japan. As long as Emerald and Akashi are with him, Mayuzumi can deal with whatever strange magic or tough situations come his way.
And a cozy apartment where he can have the people he cares about cuddled up with him like this sure feels more like home than that empty little flat near his university in Tokyo...
What more profound reply can he make to her? He's already spoken deeply from the heart, and they've just exchanged a promise to never leave each other. They're in pretty heavy territory right now, just like when he'd promised Akashi he'd never leave him, so he's grateful she said something more light-hearted along with it that he can respond to instead to ease the mood back into something less intense.
He gives her forehead a soft kiss, and a similar kind of smile to go with it. ]
I really am gonna have to start charging you rent then, it sounds like.
...And a maybe finder's fee, too, even if I'm the one who needs you keeping track of me.
[ He knows exactly what he's promised, but like saying he loves her out loud, he isn't entirely ready to think about what all this means for them in the long-term and take proper responsibility for the future that's implied. He's the kind of independent person who naturally wants to do things at his own pace and focus on living in the present, day by day, and so being with and making the girl in his arms happy right now and knowing she'll still be here in the morning is enough to satisfy him. ]