[ While Mayuzumi's grip loosens once he realizes he's doing it, Emerald holds on tightly. She knows it's all in her head right now, but it's also been a constant state of existence to be terrorized by Salem. Salem has to use fear with Emerald, because there's nothing Salem can offer her without Cinder present. Cinder is the one who has what Emerald wants-- family. ("You're in denial." echoes in her head, made.. more believable here where she has people who genuinely care for her and are much better at showing it than Mercury is. --No. Cinder cares for her. She's sure of it.) Salem had told them all she was the only path to what they wanted, and that wasn't true for Emerald or Mercury. Mercury was still convinced that there wasn't anything else for him. But for Salem to keep Emerald under control, Emerald needed to be scared. She was. How long that would keep her under control was the real question, since Emerald was still the only one who dared to watch that meltdown that echoed in her memory, the windows appearing to shatter in Mayuzumi's apartment now because that fear is so deeply embedded in her-- and yet, she didn't avert her gaze even being ushered out of the room. And yet, that was before she spoke to Mercury. Emerald's trying to figure out who she is without Cinder still, and she's finding that she can make her own decisions even in the face of terror.
But here, with Mayuzumi, she has someone to hold onto. She has someone to protect, and that makes it all the more important to make certain that she stands up. That she warns him, protects him, and holds onto him when she's scared even if it's just a seemingly distant memory now. He's here, supporting her, saying that despite seeing all this even if he's just being warned he still wants her and he's not letting go. Emerald buries her face against his chest in the hug and moves her arm to wrap around his waist too. ]
I know. That's why I had to show you. Not knowing the truth just makes you more vulnerable, and I want to protect you and Sei more than anything. I love--
[ She hesitates, because before she didn't want to say it because it was too soon. It would scare him away. Her voice quiets down a little, but firms at the same time as she holds onto him tightly. ]
I love you, Chihiro. I'm not going to lose you. I know it's soon, but I thought.. when I woke up here, I thought I lost you and Sei and that was the worst thing I've ever felt. I'm saying it now whether you're ready or not.Â
[ Mayuzumi's hand rises to cradle the back of Emerald's head and stroke her hair, but the soothing motion pauses when she makes her declaration. ]
...Em, I...
[ He doesn't know how to respond for a moment, but starts speaking quietly again, his head bowed and his face nestled against her hair. ]
...I was falling apart without you. I couldn't handle it. If Akashi hadn't been here, I don't know how I would've...
[ It was like a terrible, empty chasm had cracked open inside of him, a void that had never been present before even when he'd spent most of the rest of his life unnoticed. But now that she's here and in his arms, he feels alive again and doesn't want to ever let her go.
Yet...he knows he's also endangering himself by being with her; if the wrong people show up in this city he really could end up getting killed if they find out he's connected to her.
Just what kind of feeling can make him willing to risk his life just to keep her close to him? What makes a self-centered guy like him respond to that threat not by running away, but by getting frustrated that he can't do more to protect her? How can someone like him want to do anything he can to make her happy regardless of how much of a hassle it might be to him, and why does he twist up inside and become desperate to ease her suffering when she's upset and afraid instead of trying to escape such an uncomfortable situation? Him, the guy who turned his back on his old teammates and walked away without a second thought the moment he didn't need to deal with them anymore.
He already knows the answer to that; it's a constant in the pages of the fiction he's wrapped himself up in over the years, a cliche that's too obvious to go unrecognized when he sees the signs in himself. ]
You're right, I'm not ready. I don't even know how to be ready for something like this.
[ But he can't pretend he doesn't feel the way he does; he'd just be lying to himself along with her if he tried.
He expels an uneven breath, grateful that he can hide just how flushed his face is as long as she's cuddled up to his chest. ]
But...I do love you, Em. Even if I can't say it tomorrow, I really...love you.
[ He clings to her tightly. Maybe he'll be embarrassed later about letting himself get swept away in a very vulnerable moment, because he really isn't ready to speak freely from the heart like this all the time. But he also knows his feelings won't change even if his ability to articulate them when life returns to normal for them probably will.
And if she loves him even when knowing full well the kind of guy he is, then...maybe it'll be okay. ]
...Just...don't tell Akashi. He'll probably get worked up about it.
[ Saying it to her after months of dating and in the middle of an emotional moment is hard enough; he's still trying to get acclimated to the idea that he and Akashi have this kind of relationship now too, and he's worried the guy might get jealous and expect it of him too soon. Saying it to Akashi right now is just beyond his limit and he doesn't need that pressure hanging over his head when they've only just gotten together. ]
[ If Akashi hadn't been there huh? She's not sure what it is between them, but she can tell it's something special. It had to be to begin with for two people as possessive as the two of them to agree to share Emerald. She wonders if they really realize how special they must be to each other briefly, since she doesn't expect him to say it back. She knows- it's not like they've known each other forever or they've been dating for a long while. She knows that she can be a little intense, and that she's needed reminding of her place before simply for wanting to keep things to herself and not listening.
She doesn't think Mayuzumi would ever hurt her like Cinder would if she stepped out of line but she also expects to be told that she's stepping out of it, so she simply lets herself focus on other expectations. He needed Akashi because she wasn't there. That's sad, but it makes her happy. She wants to be needed so much that someone falls apart without her. She wants him to care for her that much, even if it hurts him to do so. Even if it hurts her to know that he was hurt, it makes her happy. That's messed up, probably. He says he's not ready, which she expects. It's hard to be disappointed when your expectations can't be high.
Which is probably why when he says it anyway, she can't help but open her eyes wide as she holds onto him just as tightly back. A little trickle of tears makes its way out of the corner of her red eyes, now glistening a deep garnet for a moment before she buries her face completely against his chest. Whatever shirt he's wearing is definitely going to get wet. She's not going to apologize for it. She's holding onto him tight enough that it probably hurts, even if it's in affection and neediness and adoration. She doesn't want to let go of him.
Though then he says that don't tell Akashi line and she lets out a tearful little puff of laughter. ]
He's said it too, you know. I love you both. I have no idea how you're not weird about this.
[ Mayuzumi doesn't mind if Emerald's clinging to him too tightly. If it hurts, it just makes it all the more clear she really is here with him and this isn't some kind of dream. If he bruises, then it means he'll have a reminder of how much she needs to be close to him on his skin for a few days. He'd rather endure any discomfort than push her away when he can feel his shirt get damp from her tears. Instead, he presses soft kisses to the top of her head.
What she says makes his posture stiffen up a bit, though, his tone shifting from intimate to something a bit more awkward. ]
...Ah, no, that's...not it. I meant he might get...uh, expectations if he knew.
[ He hesitates, trying to figure out how to explain it because it's something important for her to know too. ]
Maybe he didn't tell you then, but...you know how you told me that me and him needed to figure things out?
When I found him here a couple days ago, he, uh...confessed to me and we kissed and he slept over. It's like that between us now too, so I guess we...figured things out.
[ Ah... Emerald's grip loosens a little at that. It's not rejection and she doesn't let go or anything. It's a little confusing to hear that, and a little confusing still that Akashi didn't tell her. But she also knows that she can be a little jealous, and that everything's been completely overwhelming since they got here. Akashi is terrified of losing her, too, so he probably, undoubtedly, just wanted to make sure that she knew that he was there and that he knew she was there.
It helps that she kind of.. already suspected. There was no way they would've been okay with sharing her if they didn't have some kind of bond far beyond what normal friends might. Even normal partners. Emerald has a relationship with Mercury that she flat-out wouldn't ditch him in a situation that could get her killed and he told her to leave him out of. And yet, she gets into petty fights that involve shoving her way between him and Cinder because she wants to be closest. Partners don't have to share everything, and it's not a natural feeling to want to do so. Their willingness to do it to begin with had at least given her the idea that they might be a little bit gay for each other-- one of the reasons she'd brought up the idea of doing things together rather than keeping them strictly separate.
There's still a feeling deep inside of her that isn't at all Mayuzumi's fault, or Akashi's. It's just an understanding of reality made painfully, obviously clear by the last few days. Without her, Akashi and Mayuzumi have each other. They will always have each other whether she's involved or not. She isn't necessary for them to be happy and it barely took any time at all for them to realize that with her seemingly out of the picture. If they don't find a way for her to make it to Japan and stay there, they'll still have each other. She is always going to be the one left behind when it comes down to it, even if they both love her. That's not their fault or hers, but it still hurts on some selfish level to know that they'll be okay without her. She immediately started getting back into bad behavior without them- it was just mischief, nothing illegal, but she knows that it was potentially destructive. She knows that if they hadn't shown up, she would've backslid one way or the other.
There's nothing that could make her push either of them away though, even knowing that. When she says she loves them, she means it. And somehow, that jealousy that she feels is more about being pushed out than it is them being together. Akashi spent all night with her, Mayuzumi is going to spend all night with her now. They still want her here. It's fine. It'll be fine. This is going to work one way or the other. She shifts slightly, only so she can turn her head sideways to rest against his shoulder, happy to just be against him rather than latch on now. ]
Obviously. I don't even like it when Mercury tries to stand between me and Cinder. Sharing a girlfriend is not a normal partner thing. Just don't.. don't leave me.
...Yeah, I can't say you weren't right about us all along, even if I'm still getting used to the idea.
[ It really is a major adjustment for Mayuzumi to think of the guy who'd been a massive pain in the ass in high school as someone he wants to keep by his side, but it was an adjustment to even admit Akashi was someone important to him as a friend, and another one after that to find out they both loved the same girl and really could handle seeing each other be close to her. He feels sometimes like he's stumbling around in the dark when it comes to navigating all shifts in how he and Akashi relate to one another; but just like with Emerald, Mayuzumi can't pretend his feelings aren't there anymore, even if being as straightforward about it with Akashi as he was with her just now is something that he isn't equipped to manage this soon.
What matters most to him right now is reassuring her, though, because he feels an ache inside when she says not to leave her. ]
Listen, I know whoever or whatever it was that had me end up on Empatheias and then here could send me anywhere whether I want to go or not, but I'll say this much.
[ He takes a deep, quiet breath. ]
If I ever have a choice about it...I won't go back without you, Em. Anywhere that I can't be with you is somewhere I don't want to be.
[ He realizes there's some pretty deep potential implications to what he's saying, but it's the truth. He loves her, so he'd rather be stuck here for the foreseeable future or even return to Empatheias together rather than go back to living in a world without her in it. ]
And I think that guy feels the same way. We were both torn up inside without you. We agreed to figure out a way to keep you with us no matter what.
[ That definitely makes her feel better. It isn't as if she felt low about this news, but somehow she does feel a little lighter knowing that even though they got together, it wasn't without forgetting her. It wasn't without the decision that it would be impossible to get her back, so they should just move on. They would keep trying even if they hadn't a leg to stand on.
It's heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. On the one hand, she would want them to be happy even if it couldn't be with her. The idea that they would figure it out no matter what, even if it was impossible, would be tragic. And yet at he same time, she would never want them to stop looking. She never wants either of them to stop loving her, to stop wanting her there.
Emerald holds onto him a little tighter again, though not as much as before, and tilts her head back so that sh can see his face. ]
In that case, I'm staying right here for the rest of the night so you can't possibly lose track of me.
[ She knows she's being silly, but there's nothing else she can really say to that. There's nothing she can do if she loses either of them besides hope and cry. She's not smart, she's not independent as much as Akashi tries to push her to be even if she's made progress and feels like she can stand on her own more now than she once did, and her fate in her world is either as an international criminal on the run or dead because Salem's new world order seems pretty much like some kind of fresh hell if you ask her. If she gets separated from them, she doesn't think there's going to be anything she can do about it but hope they find her, as pathetic as that sounds. So it's best to just make the light-hearted comment, then after a few seconds she adds. ]
I promise not to leave your side as long as I have a say.
[ Mayuzumi feels a deep and satisfying warmth inside of him to hear a sentiment like that; it wasn't that long ago that he couldn't have imagined having not just one but two people become vital parts of his life. He appreciates it all the more now that he's experienced what it felt like to lose them, even if it turned out to be a temporary thing; he doesn't want to go back to being alone, and even more than that, he doesn't want Emerald to end up that way after the rough life she's led.
There's always the risk they'll lose each other again, whether it's due to being separated by cosmic forces they can't control or if Emerald's fears about her former allies and the worst case scenario happens. He hasn't lost sight of reality, even while he's chasing after a dream like finding a way to bring her back home with him that could well be impossible.
But he's been dealing with circumstances that he would've thought could only ever happen in fiction for the better part of a year now; maybe he really shouldn't rule anything out despite his usual negativity. If he and Emerald both can end up on entirely different worlds than the ones they came from, who says that someone from a different world like her can't end up traveling to his?
For now though, they're here in this place together until they find that path towards a happy end for their shared isekai adventure...and maybe that won't be so bad; in some ways Lunatia even feels closer to being back in Japan. As long as Emerald and Akashi are with him, Mayuzumi can deal with whatever strange magic or tough situations come his way.
And a cozy apartment where he can have the people he cares about cuddled up with him like this sure feels more like home than that empty little flat near his university in Tokyo...
What more profound reply can he make to her? He's already spoken deeply from the heart, and they've just exchanged a promise to never leave each other. They're in pretty heavy territory right now, just like when he'd promised Akashi he'd never leave him, so he's grateful she said something more light-hearted along with it that he can respond to instead to ease the mood back into something less intense.
He gives her forehead a soft kiss, and a similar kind of smile to go with it. ]
I really am gonna have to start charging you rent then, it sounds like.
...And a maybe finder's fee, too, even if I'm the one who needs you keeping track of me.
[ He knows exactly what he's promised, but like saying he loves her out loud, he isn't entirely ready to think about what all this means for them in the long-term and take proper responsibility for the future that's implied. He's the kind of independent person who naturally wants to do things at his own pace and focus on living in the present, day by day, and so being with and making the girl in his arms happy right now and knowing she'll still be here in the morning is enough to satisfy him. ]
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no subject
But here, with Mayuzumi, she has someone to hold onto. She has someone to protect, and that makes it all the more important to make certain that she stands up. That she warns him, protects him, and holds onto him when she's scared even if it's just a seemingly distant memory now. He's here, supporting her, saying that despite seeing all this even if he's just being warned he still wants her and he's not letting go.
Emerald buries her face against his chest in the hug and moves her arm to wrap around his waist too. ]
I know. That's why I had to show you. Not knowing the truth just makes you more vulnerable, and I want to protect you and Sei more than anything. I love--
[ She hesitates, because before she didn't want to say it because it was too soon. It would scare him away. Her voice quiets down a little, but firms at the same time as she holds onto him tightly. ]
I love you, Chihiro. I'm not going to lose you. I know it's soon, but I thought.. when I woke up here, I thought I lost you and Sei and that was the worst thing I've ever felt. I'm saying it now whether you're ready or not.Â
no subject
...Em, I...
[ He doesn't know how to respond for a moment, but starts speaking quietly again, his head bowed and his face nestled against her hair. ]
...I was falling apart without you. I couldn't handle it. If Akashi hadn't been here, I don't know how I would've...
[ It was like a terrible, empty chasm had cracked open inside of him, a void that had never been present before even when he'd spent most of the rest of his life unnoticed. But now that she's here and in his arms, he feels alive again and doesn't want to ever let her go.
Yet...he knows he's also endangering himself by being with her; if the wrong people show up in this city he really could end up getting killed if they find out he's connected to her.
Just what kind of feeling can make him willing to risk his life just to keep her close to him? What makes a self-centered guy like him respond to that threat not by running away, but by getting frustrated that he can't do more to protect her? How can someone like him want to do anything he can to make her happy regardless of how much of a hassle it might be to him, and why does he twist up inside and become desperate to ease her suffering when she's upset and afraid instead of trying to escape such an uncomfortable situation? Him, the guy who turned his back on his old teammates and walked away without a second thought the moment he didn't need to deal with them anymore.
He already knows the answer to that; it's a constant in the pages of the fiction he's wrapped himself up in over the years, a cliche that's too obvious to go unrecognized when he sees the signs in himself. ]
You're right, I'm not ready. I don't even know how to be ready for something like this.
[ But he can't pretend he doesn't feel the way he does; he'd just be lying to himself along with her if he tried.
He expels an uneven breath, grateful that he can hide just how flushed his face is as long as she's cuddled up to his chest. ]
But...I do love you, Em. Even if I can't say it tomorrow, I really...love you.
[ He clings to her tightly. Maybe he'll be embarrassed later about letting himself get swept away in a very vulnerable moment, because he really isn't ready to speak freely from the heart like this all the time. But he also knows his feelings won't change even if his ability to articulate them when life returns to normal for them probably will.
And if she loves him even when knowing full well the kind of guy he is, then...maybe it'll be okay. ]
...Just...don't tell Akashi. He'll probably get worked up about it.
[ Saying it to her after months of dating and in the middle of an emotional moment is hard enough; he's still trying to get acclimated to the idea that he and Akashi have this kind of relationship now too, and he's worried the guy might get jealous and expect it of him too soon. Saying it to Akashi right now is just beyond his limit and he doesn't need that pressure hanging over his head when they've only just gotten together. ]
no subject
She doesn't think Mayuzumi would ever hurt her like Cinder would if she stepped out of line but she also expects to be told that she's stepping out of it, so she simply lets herself focus on other expectations. He needed Akashi because she wasn't there. That's sad, but it makes her happy. She wants to be needed so much that someone falls apart without her. She wants him to care for her that much, even if it hurts him to do so. Even if it hurts her to know that he was hurt, it makes her happy. That's messed up, probably. He says he's not ready, which she expects. It's hard to be disappointed when your expectations can't be high.
Which is probably why when he says it anyway, she can't help but open her eyes wide as she holds onto him just as tightly back. A little trickle of tears makes its way out of the corner of her red eyes, now glistening a deep garnet for a moment before she buries her face completely against his chest. Whatever shirt he's wearing is definitely going to get wet. She's not going to apologize for it. She's holding onto him tight enough that it probably hurts, even if it's in affection and neediness and adoration. She doesn't want to let go of him.
Though then he says that don't tell Akashi line and she lets out a tearful little puff of laughter. ]
He's said it too, you know. I love you both. I have no idea how you're not weird about this.
no subject
What she says makes his posture stiffen up a bit, though, his tone shifting from intimate to something a bit more awkward. ]
...Ah, no, that's...not it. I meant he might get...uh, expectations if he knew.
[ He hesitates, trying to figure out how to explain it because it's something important for her to know too. ]
Maybe he didn't tell you then, but...you know how you told me that me and him needed to figure things out?
When I found him here a couple days ago, he, uh...confessed to me and we kissed and he slept over. It's like that between us now too, so I guess we...figured things out.
no subject
It helps that she kind of.. already suspected. There was no way they would've been okay with sharing her if they didn't have some kind of bond far beyond what normal friends might. Even normal partners. Emerald has a relationship with Mercury that she flat-out wouldn't ditch him in a situation that could get her killed and he told her to leave him out of. And yet, she gets into petty fights that involve shoving her way between him and Cinder because she wants to be closest. Partners don't have to share everything, and it's not a natural feeling to want to do so. Their willingness to do it to begin with had at least given her the idea that they might be a little bit gay for each other-- one of the reasons she'd brought up the idea of doing things together rather than keeping them strictly separate.
There's still a feeling deep inside of her that isn't at all Mayuzumi's fault, or Akashi's. It's just an understanding of reality made painfully, obviously clear by the last few days. Without her, Akashi and Mayuzumi have each other. They will always have each other whether she's involved or not. She isn't necessary for them to be happy and it barely took any time at all for them to realize that with her seemingly out of the picture. If they don't find a way for her to make it to Japan and stay there, they'll still have each other. She is always going to be the one left behind when it comes down to it, even if they both love her. That's not their fault or hers, but it still hurts on some selfish level to know that they'll be okay without her. She immediately started getting back into bad behavior without them- it was just mischief, nothing illegal, but she knows that it was potentially destructive. She knows that if they hadn't shown up, she would've backslid one way or the other.
There's nothing that could make her push either of them away though, even knowing that. When she says she loves them, she means it. And somehow, that jealousy that she feels is more about being pushed out than it is them being together. Akashi spent all night with her, Mayuzumi is going to spend all night with her now. They still want her here. It's fine. It'll be fine. This is going to work one way or the other. She shifts slightly, only so she can turn her head sideways to rest against his shoulder, happy to just be against him rather than latch on now. ]
Obviously. I don't even like it when Mercury tries to stand between me and Cinder. Sharing a girlfriend is not a normal partner thing. Just don't.. don't leave me.
no subject
[ It really is a major adjustment for Mayuzumi to think of the guy who'd been a massive pain in the ass in high school as someone he wants to keep by his side, but it was an adjustment to even admit Akashi was someone important to him as a friend, and another one after that to find out they both loved the same girl and really could handle seeing each other be close to her. He feels sometimes like he's stumbling around in the dark when it comes to navigating all shifts in how he and Akashi relate to one another; but just like with Emerald, Mayuzumi can't pretend his feelings aren't there anymore, even if being as straightforward about it with Akashi as he was with her just now is something that he isn't equipped to manage this soon.
What matters most to him right now is reassuring her, though, because he feels an ache inside when she says not to leave her. ]
Listen, I know whoever or whatever it was that had me end up on Empatheias and then here could send me anywhere whether I want to go or not, but I'll say this much.
[ He takes a deep, quiet breath. ]
If I ever have a choice about it...I won't go back without you, Em. Anywhere that I can't be with you is somewhere I don't want to be.
[ He realizes there's some pretty deep potential implications to what he's saying, but it's the truth. He loves her, so he'd rather be stuck here for the foreseeable future or even return to Empatheias together rather than go back to living in a world without her in it. ]
And I think that guy feels the same way. We were both torn up inside without you. We agreed to figure out a way to keep you with us no matter what.
no subject
It's heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. On the one hand, she would want them to be happy even if it couldn't be with her. The idea that they would figure it out no matter what, even if it was impossible, would be tragic. And yet at he same time, she would never want them to stop looking. She never wants either of them to stop loving her, to stop wanting her there.
Emerald holds onto him a little tighter again, though not as much as before, and tilts her head back so that sh can see his face. ]
In that case, I'm staying right here for the rest of the night so you can't possibly lose track of me.
[ She knows she's being silly, but there's nothing else she can really say to that. There's nothing she can do if she loses either of them besides hope and cry. She's not smart, she's not independent as much as Akashi tries to push her to be even if she's made progress and feels like she can stand on her own more now than she once did, and her fate in her world is either as an international criminal on the run or dead because Salem's new world order seems pretty much like some kind of fresh hell if you ask her. If she gets separated from them, she doesn't think there's going to be anything she can do about it but hope they find her, as pathetic as that sounds. So it's best to just make the light-hearted comment, then after a few seconds she adds. ]
I promise not to leave your side as long as I have a say.
no subject
There's always the risk they'll lose each other again, whether it's due to being separated by cosmic forces they can't control or if Emerald's fears about her former allies and the worst case scenario happens. He hasn't lost sight of reality, even while he's chasing after a dream like finding a way to bring her back home with him that could well be impossible.
But he's been dealing with circumstances that he would've thought could only ever happen in fiction for the better part of a year now; maybe he really shouldn't rule anything out despite his usual negativity. If he and Emerald both can end up on entirely different worlds than the ones they came from, who says that someone from a different world like her can't end up traveling to his?
For now though, they're here in this place together until they find that path towards a happy end for their shared isekai adventure...and maybe that won't be so bad; in some ways Lunatia even feels closer to being back in Japan. As long as Emerald and Akashi are with him, Mayuzumi can deal with whatever strange magic or tough situations come his way.
And a cozy apartment where he can have the people he cares about cuddled up with him like this sure feels more like home than that empty little flat near his university in Tokyo...
What more profound reply can he make to her? He's already spoken deeply from the heart, and they've just exchanged a promise to never leave each other. They're in pretty heavy territory right now, just like when he'd promised Akashi he'd never leave him, so he's grateful she said something more light-hearted along with it that he can respond to instead to ease the mood back into something less intense.
He gives her forehead a soft kiss, and a similar kind of smile to go with it. ]
I really am gonna have to start charging you rent then, it sounds like.
...And a maybe finder's fee, too, even if I'm the one who needs you keeping track of me.
[ He knows exactly what he's promised, but like saying he loves her out loud, he isn't entirely ready to think about what all this means for them in the long-term and take proper responsibility for the future that's implied. He's the kind of independent person who naturally wants to do things at his own pace and focus on living in the present, day by day, and so being with and making the girl in his arms happy right now and knowing she'll still be here in the morning is enough to satisfy him. ]